threefatimasbrandchilies

Moving House

2007-12-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

I have decided to come out of my shell and move over to wordpress. I even made a blogroll! From now on, kindly visit me here:

http://luckyfatima.wordpress.com/

Why I am not "Just Muslim"

2007-12-24T02:21:00.000-08:00

Are you a Sunni or a Shi’a? That question comes up among Muslims. Sometimes the intentions behind the question are innocent. Other times they are not. You must know what I mean. If you ask me that question, I won’t say, “I am just a Muslim, sect doesn’t matter.” I will say that I am a Sunni. I’ll tell you why. Sect does matter. It is too easy for Sunnis to say that sect doesn’t matter. Under most circumstances, Sunnis are not discriminated against because of their status as Sunnis. It has become trendy to say that we are "just Muslims" in the interest of communal cohesion. But that is too simple, and brushes over long standing problems of suspicion and intolerance of each other. This suspicion and intolerance is the real problem. On the ground, this has led to communal tension, and even violence. Most commonly, it has been Sunnis oppressing Shi'as and doling out the violence to them. Sunnis are the majority sect. Because of that, Sunnis dominate global discourse on Islam. In terms of number, very few question Sunni legitimacy. There is no commonly circulated Islamic literature that condemns Sunnis, calls them “not real Muslims,” belittles their practices, or patronizingly looks down upon them, as there often is against the Shi’a. I realize that there is anti-Sunni dogma among Shi’as, but Sunnis are the powerful majority, so they are not under threat because of that anti-Sunni rhetoric. For a Sunni to say that sect doesn’t matter is to obliterate the Shi’a minority's perfectly legitimate right to adhere to their distinct beliefs, the beliefs that define Shi'as and Shi'ism in the real world context of their being a minority. It is easy for Sunnis to say “I am just a Muslim.” When this is said by a Sunnis, they are trying to express that they are open to Shi’ism. Everyone wants to be friends and get along. When Sunnis say this, they are attempting to be tolerant. But this isn’t true tolerance. This is actually another form of Sunni domination. Sunnism is still left as the default Islam because real difference is swept under the rug. True tolerance is to say, “I know we are different, but I respect our differences.” Saying “I am not a Sunni, I am not a Shi’a, I am just a Muslim,” is such a Sunni thing to say. It does not allow for respect of difference. But we ARE different. That is obvious, though it may make some people uncomfortable at times. If there were true tolerance, no one would be uncomfortable with the differences. The differences aren't going to go away. We must maintain at the core of our beings that it is okay to be different from each other. We must defend the right to be different. Shi'as must be able to say, "I am a Shi'a," and not be pressured into this using this pseudo-tolerant "just Muslim" slogan that annihilates what makes them who they are. That is more important than trying to use an imaginary tolerance paint brush to color us all “just Muslim.”

Happy Birthday Sweetie Chooza Choo

2007-12-23T23:16:00.000-08:00

So on December 22, my precious pyaari widdle daughter turned 1 year old, Mashallah. She wasn't too excited about it. Because of the Oman trip, her sleep schedule was off, so she took her daily nap earlier than usual and then was very tired later in the afternoon when we dressed her up and sang her Happy Birthday. She was very perplexed by everything. We didn't have a big party for her. Only my husband and I attended. The nanny was off, but she came by later to wish Baby D, or should I say Big Girl D, a Happy Birthday. So it was just mama and baba and baby. Last weekend, the neighbors, whose daughter was born 5 days before ours, threw a big birthday bash at the nearby pizza parlour (actually it is a pizza cum North Indian cum Chinese food place...very Khaleeji-Indian!) and all of their relatives came. Their relatives actually live in Dubai. We don't have anyone here. So we didn't have a big fiesta. At the neighbor's fiesta, my daughter was the star guest since she is the neighbor baby's best friend. I would have invited them over on Baby D's birthday, but they went to India to shop for a family wedding. So we had to make do with a family party. Baby D was just fine with that, but my in-laws were kind of surprised that we weren't doing anything more. I seriously did not feel like inviting a few friends over (none of whom have kids or kids my daughter's age) and forcing them to buy gifts and all just for the sake of having a big bash. Inshallah when Baby D is older and actually knows about birthdays, we'll have plenty of big parties with her pre-school friends and all. So I was satisfied with the party, and Baby D seemed to be, too.

My mother sent Baby D a singing stuffed frog named Tad. The lovely nanny bought her a baby doll that sucks a pacifier, cries, and says mama and papa. My husband and I bought her a new party dress, shoes, and a bubble making machine. While we were in Oman visiting an old friend, they went out and got her a 21 karat gold letter "D" necklace charm (mashallah, that was really touching!). So we had plenty of gifts. We also had loads of balloons, a Baskin Robbins ice-cream cake, and even party hats. So it was a small, private, yet fun little affair. Baby D loved her gifts. I thought she would be afraid of them because she gets afraid of animated toys sometimes. But she warmed to them both. She also LOVED the bubble machine.

I had made a post some weeks back that my daughter was not yet speaking. Well, shortly after writing that post, subhanallah, Baby D said her first word. It was LIGHT. She loves to look at lights. Since then, she has said several other words. On her birthday she said BUBBLE, too! It is sooo amazing to watch her language develop. She only says one thing in Urdu, which is de de. For her that means "give it to me." But she understands Urdu. I ask her "Murghi kaisi bolti hai?" (what does the chicken say?) and she says "Kok!" and then I ask, "Bakri kaisi bolti hai?" (what does the goat say?) and she says "Eheheh." She has a problem with the kitty cat, billee. I ask her what the cat says and she says "kok koo!" instead of mao mao. She'll learn, inshallah. Oh wait, she said gaaRee once, too (car). But she hasn't repeated that. So she said two Urdu words.

She is also toddling about a bit, Mashallah. She is just so sweet and funny. My little funny monkey. It seems like yesterday I was peering at her covered in afterbirth. Subhanallah.

Eidukum Mubarak

2007-12-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

Asalaam Aleikum wa eidukum mubarak. I wish everyone a blessed Eid.

Inshallah the nanny, Baby D, and I are driving to Muscat tomorrow. We wanted to go for Eid Al Fitr, but couldn't make it because the holiday wasn't announced in time to make plans. This time, we could kind of guess when to go. It is going to be a 4-5 hour drive with a one year old. I can't say that I am looking forward to that. Lots of stops and loads of Cheerios will keep us sane, Inshallah. I haven't been back to Muscat since before Cyclone Gonu. Several close friends' homes were badly damaged. I feel really bad about that. One dear friend, Abla S, has invited us for lunch on the first day of Eid. She is also hosting guests from the UK and Bahrain. You know something about her? Her whole downstairs was destroyed in the cyclone, and so were all of the family cars. But this isn't the first time in her life that she lost almost everything. When she was a teenager, her family home was destroyed in riots in Zanzibar when all of the Afro-Arabs had to leave. She fled on a boat. Subhanallah. She is now in her early 60s. She is a grandmother and a mother of 5 mashallah successful children. She is a really kind soul and is heavily involved with dawah work. We have been in touch a lot and whenever I go to Muscat I make it a point to meet up with her. We also met up in Jordan when I travelled there a couple summers ago. Anyhow, I just feel so terrible about her family home. I am not sure what to expect.

On Eid day 2, I am invited to lunch with another good friend, A. The lunch is at her in-law's house. Hmmm, I actually wrote about her MIL before years ago on my old blog. We had gone to an iftaar at her MIL's house, and her MIL kept asking "where are you from?" and I kept saying Texas. "But why is your face like that, are you and Arab, is your dad an Arab?" She kept pressing it, "but your face, but your color, blah blah" (I guess I have a really funny face?!?) and then after dinner I was like "my dad is Jewish." and she was like "I KNEW IT! I felt as if a jinn had whispered it into my ear!" Hah hah I told this story to Abla S, and she said "A jinn? Maybe an angel whispered it into her ear!" Anyway, A's MIL makes me uncomfortable. But she has hosted me on several different occasions, and I realize that she means well, but saying things bluntly is just part of her personality.

I need to meet up with a couple of other people. Another friend got married last Friday and I wasn't able to attend her wedding. I am gonna stop by her mom's house and give her a wedding gift. She won't be intown cuz she is on honeymoon. But it will be nice to see her mom. Then I have to meet up with F. Al H. She was kind of upset at me for not stopping by the last time I was in town, so I am making it a point to get over to her.

My best friend G. won't be in Muscat at the time. She is travelling to her family village. But we might meet up when she is driving through. She actually lives near to me in a town on the UAE/Oman border. She moved at the same time I moved. So she'll be travelling towards Muscat on the way to her hometown.

One thing I am really really looking foward to in addition to catching up with friends is the Muscati Eid Al Adha specialty...the showa. It is this goat that is seasoned, wrapped in banana leaves (well, there are actually variations of it, some ppl use palm leaves, but the people I know are mostly Zanzibaris and they use banana leaves) and they bury it in the ground in an underground oven and cook it until it is just soooo tender and delicious. It is eaten with plain boiled rice, and Zanzibaris serve it with kachumbari, which is a relish of sliced onions, carrots, cucumbers, and tomatoes, in lemon juice with salt and black pepper. People usually give me some showa to take home. Last year I made NYC deli style sandwiches out of it. Omani Yiddish food? LOL. My best friend G. is also saving me some mathbee, which is the Eid Al Adha food in her home region. It is cow meat cooked on hot rocks. It is like delicious steak! I am sure I am gonna gain at least 2 kgs after this weekend!

I am bringing everyone sweets from Damascus Sweets here in Dubai. I dare say that this is the best shaami sweet shop in Dubai, well at least by my taste. There are no really good authentic Shaami sweet shops in Muscat, and actually not that many in Dubai. Omani and Gulf sweets in general are totally different than sweets in the rest of the Arab world. There is konafa and baqlawa and all at the regular grocery store, but it just isn't that good. They often make a cheapy cheater's version with *gasp* peanuts blended in with the other more expensive nuts. So the real thing is extra special. People like foreign stuff, especially authentic shaami sweets, as a novelty, so I know they are gonna like those sweets. People used to request them from me when I would go to Dubai and meet my husband on weekends after we were first married.

So that's the plan. In addition to catching up with people, I'll be showing Muscat to the nanny. She has friends who lived there before and everyone always praises the place so she is excited about the trip.

Well, those are my plans. Inshallah all will be khair. Happy Eid!

I'm Scofield's #1 Pankha

2007-12-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

For a few months now I have been watching Prison Break. I know the show is in its third season in the US, but over here we are often a few seasons behind, or there are several seasons of a given show airing on various English language channels---as is the case with Prison Break. After Ramadan I happened to catch an episode of Prison Break from season one and I was hooked. The channel on which I watched the show aired each episode daily on weeknights, rather than weekly, which suits my hectic baby/mama life better. So I watched season one. And then it finished. And I was devastated. They started airing the first season of Lost in Prison Break's time slot, but I just couldn't get into Lost and couldn't get over handsome, mysterious grey-blue eyed Michael. The break-up was painful. I had to have more. I did something I have never done before. I bought a box set of the episodes of season II. I actually bought the authentic set rather than risk a poor quality bahari daakoo set. (that means pirate, dunno why I just feel like playing around with Urdu right now) So nowadays, every evening at 9 pm on weeknights, you can find my husband and I perched in front of the TV. Luckily my husband likes the show, too. I know the show has some silly and fantastic elements. And the fact that one of the best characters is a vicious serial killer pedophile is pretty outrageous. Also, from an anti-racism stand point, the show has many irritating and offensive quirks. But somehow I just overlook the bad points, roll my eyes sometimes at the ridiculous twists in events, and enjoy. I haven't been excited about TV in a long time. I just really really like this show.

Ungenerous: is that a real word anyway?

2007-11-24T01:44:00.000-08:00

The housekeeper noticed that our Thanksgiving guest took back the salad that she had brought. She asked, "Is that the American custom?" I told her that it doesn't mean anything bad for Americans. I told her that I offered to make the guest a to-go plate but she insisted on taking what she wanted. I said that was fine because if I made her a plate she might throw away the stuff she didn't want to eat, so this way she got everything that would be useful for her and nothing gets wasted. I said I know this looks weird to desi people, but to me it doesn't matter. We don't have the same rules for formalities, not that we don't have formalities, it's just that our rules are different. She said "yep, well in India the guest should leave her dish and be offered a plate to take home and you should make the plate." "Yep, I know." I said. "If you did what your guest did for Indians you would seem like a cheapo," she said. The housekeeper was weirded out by my American guest and my behavior.

So later I told my husband. I said, the housekeeper was weirded out that our guest took her salad back. And also that she made her own to-go plate. "Yes, American thinking." He said it in kind of a pejorative way. "Think about yourself and only take what you want." I said, "That's good, what's wrong with that? I know my friend diets all the time and she probably would have thrown away everything else. So what she took was what was useful for her." "Yes, they only do what is useful for them." he says.

I just remained silent. That was an indirect barb. Why does he have to pick on my culture? I have some negative impressions of some desi stuff, but I see it in the big picture as being part of a cultural context and fitting in there. I don't whine about it to my husband. I never mention it actually. (although I do blog about it sometimes, I guess) But I never criticize him for it. I mean, it is HIS culture. Why should I pick on him? So why does he have to pick on me? I am kind of irritated by that. I know Americans look kind of ungenerous, or you could say stingy, compared to people from cultures which highly value displays of generosity to guests. It is just a different concept of what "making someone feel at home" means when they are a guest in your home. Some stuff desis do looks pretty weird or inappropriate to me, too through American eyes. I mean, it is all culturally relative. One way is not better than the other. There are just different ways of doing things which are appropriate in their specific contexts.

I think he is very "Westernized," but some stuff about him is very desi. I am very very American in my thinking and manners. I think I have picked up some of the Pakistani hospitality stuff, but to tell you the truth, it isn't the real me. It is mostly forced and fake. I just do it to seem like less of a space alien to any desis who come over. I mean, I AM a foreigner. I think my manners have gotten more generous over the years. But I am still an American at the core (I am not saying that Americans aren't generous, but the way we treat guests would be considered to be lacking outside of our cultural boundaries). Why should I give someone a plate full of food that she won't eat? I'll just let her take what she wants. And I seriously did not think twice that she took her salad back until the housekeeper mentioned it to me. And I just hate that my husband uses stuff like that to sort of indirectly put me down cuz I know he wishes I could behave more "desi" in that respect. Sigh.

Darzee tales

2007-11-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

I’m kind of bummed cuz my stuff STILL isn’t ready at the tailors. What tailor? What stuff? A few weeks back I got two new shalwar qameez materials and I gave them to the tailor after searching for some kind of trendy and up to date ways to stitch them. I ended up subscribing to the Pakistani She Magazine. It is a Karachi based women’s interest magazine. It has some fun stuff like film reviews and fashion layouts (which help me because I am clueless about shalwar qameez fashions and I always feel so frumpy and out of it) and also some good articles dealing with women’s issues in the Pakistani context. So, anyway, I took my updated trendy self-made illustrations to my good old tailor Master Magan. To get to him, I have to drive for 30 minutes and then park somewhere and walk 15 minutes into a bazaar. I have tried other, closer places, but over the years he has proven to be the best. Anything expensive I give only to him. He works at a collective of master tailors owned by an Indian business man. The Master Tailors do the cutting, and the stitching is done in a workshop. They have embroidery, too, which is hard to find in Dubai. The whole set up makes their work very efficient and also very high quality. As everything else in Dubai has gotten to be more expensive, their stitching charges have risen as well, though their rates have always been slightly higher than average. But going to Master Magan is well worth the higher charge. So, I schlep my stuff over to Master Magan. When I arrived that day, his cutting table was a complete mess and there are some ladies standing there arguing with him. I wait patiently for my turn. When I plop my materials down on his table, he says “Can you bring these after Divali?” It’s really tight right now and you’ll have to wait.” I tell him that it is a lot of trouble for me to get here and can he just take my clothes, I don’t mind waiting a few weeks for them I knew he would be super busy because of Divali. He took my materials, noted down my instructions, and gave a date to pick up the finished suits. He was in a really grumpy mood and became exasperated with me because I don’t know all the tailoring lingo and special terms. He is usually patient about that, but this time he lets out his annoyance by teasing me a bit. No problem. Later, I tell him he is in a sour mood. I ask him if he likes sweets. I was thinking of going to the chaat and sweet shop across the street to bring him a snack or a plate of rasmalai or something. “Ah! I am diabetic,” he snaps. “Oh, I think you just need to sweeten your mood,” I say. He confesses, “Most people don’t talk to me the way you do. You are very polite. You must be employed somewhere, right?” “Yes I am a teacher,” I say. “Well, most of these ladies come in here and are very rude to me. They think they are all princesses. I have been here since 6 am. I am just really tired.” “Do you get overtime pay?” I ask. “We get nothing of the sort!” he replies. Anyhow, I finished up with him and decided that I wanted to give him a gift. I thought about it and I ended up having a mug made for him that says, “#1 Tailor: Master Magan” with a picture of a sunflower on a sunny day in the background. I have no idea if he reads English, and I suspect he is a tea drinker and never uses coffee mugs. But I just thought the mug would be kind of utilitarian and funny at the same time. Like he could keep pens and scissors in it on his table or something. Anyway, I went to him to pick up my stuff yesterday and guess what! It wasn’t ready. The place he works is usually so efficient that the single time in 3 years that my clothes weren’t ready on the collection date, I received a call informing me. This time I came in after the pick up date. The suits should have been ready. I didn’t say anything. There wouldn’t have been a point. I gave him the mug anyway and just laughed. Anyway, now I have to go back again! The long drive and the long walk, ugh! Usually I go with a friend who is interested in getting chaat or Gujarati thali with me for dinner, or I take the nanny and Baby D. So I am gonna have to arrange to go out there AGAIN! Aagh! Anyways, I have been spending too much money this month cuz guess what else I did in the bazaar? I got another two joras to have stitched. I really don’t wear shalwar qameez very often anyway. I am just wasting money. Anyhow, one is an expensive Pakistani made dark blue cotton with chikan kaari on it. The other is an inexpensive daily wear Indian suit. I chose it because even though the suit was just a weave with a block print design, it has a really pretty dupatta. I got a suit for the nanny, too. She picked a cotton one with a chiffon dupatta. The expensive blue suit I am gonna bring to Master Magan after I shrink it. My other suit and the nanny’s suit, I am gonna give to this new tailor I discovered near to my house. I am just trying him out. I already made some night gowns with him. He is Pakistani. He keeps asking where I am from (he thinks somewhere in Pakistan) but I never reveal the truth because he will then proceed to overcharge me. Hah hah I am such a trickster, he was like, hmmm, your style of speaking is from such and such place, so you must be from there! Am I right, am I right? Well, let’s say he is about a few hundred thousand miles wrong! I can tell by his accent that he is from Gujranwala. Heh heh heh.
Anyways, so now I have to make a big plan to go back to Master Magan. Maybe on Thursday---oh wait, scratch that, it’s Thanksgiving ain’t it? I just dunno. It is so hard to find free time and it’s hectic taking the baby. *Sigh* I’ll post pics if the suits come out nice.
I have some weird and crazy stories about tailors. In Oman, one was harassing me over the phone and I had to threaten to call the police because of it. That is common over here. The tailors sometimes get lonely and try to harass you for fun. That has happened to friends of mine, too. I know that sounds so crazy, but it is true. No one ever gives their real names to the tailor. Everyone always gives a man’s name, i.e. husband or brother. I didn’t realize about this when I first arrived in the region and the guy must have thought I was being a little too friendly or something. I dunno. I use my real info with Master Magan though cuz I trust him. Anywayz, another time, also in Oman, I went to this one tailor who was from this particular place in Pakistan. Then I discovered this tailor near to my apartment and I noticed that he was from the same place as the other guy. I mentioned to him that I had another tailor who was from the same place and his shop is in neighborhood X. I thought, well, Muscat is such a small place and communities are tight here. He must know the guy. Well, out of nowhere his face turned red and he puffed up in anger. He started screaming and told me this long long story in a shouting voice. Something like “I HATE that bastard! He stole that shop from me! You know that shop??? It is MYYY shop! He is sitting in MYYY shop, that thief! He is my cousin and do you treat your family that way? I am gonna kill that sister-f…” I mean he went totally crazy, he was cussing and yelling and I thought he might hurt me. I just shook my head and said “really, aha, really,” the whole time somehow escaped with my life. That was scary!
Anyways, the world of buying and stitching materials is a big part of life over here. I make pajamas, work clothes, shalwar qameezes, jalabiyyas, and also get ready made stuff altered fairly regularly. I had a high learning curve when I arrived. Despite the big headache it can be on occasion, that is one aspect of being here that I will miss when I leave the region. Though it is an *adventure* sometimes it sure is great to have clothes stitched to fit your exact shape and size and be able to play fashion designer and create your own clothes.

Institutional Racism and The Hybrid Identity: Auntie Judges

2007-11-15T01:44:00.000-08:00

In the post below, I mentioned that potential deportees should ideally be able to go before a judge before being deported to prevent the deportation law from being used blindly. In other words, the ex-con would show up and say “Hey judge, I am not a Cambodian, I am a Cambodian-American.” The judge would see that the young man spoke unaccented or only lightly accented American English, had completed most or all of his schooling in the US, and was generally as American as a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving…well maybe turkey with a splash of fish sauce (fish sauce makes everything better anyway!), and decide that this young man should obviously NOT be deported.

The problem is that institutional racism is systematic not only because of laws like the deportation law, but also because of the personal beliefs and actions of individuals working for the institution. Who is to say that Random Judge of America is savvy enough to understand the identity politics of a diasporic person? A person with a hyphenated American identity? I constantly find that generally speaking, many people do not understand this unless they are themselves diasporic or if they are familiar with such ideas.

Let me give you some examples: My Pakistani born and raised husband has a hard time grasping that his American born and raised nieces and nephews are fully American as well as Pakistani. He looks at them solely as Pakistani. He doesn’t get the idea of “Asian-American.” Many Pakistanis don’t get it. Many Americans don’t get it, either, especially when it comes to Asians, and perpetually categorize Asians as foreigners though they may be 3rd or 4th generation Americans.

A Pakistani auntie comes to mind. I recall her chastising a teenage Pakistani-American girl who was wearing hijab with jeans. “Why does she have to wear that scarf? Why can’t she just wear a dupatta? And jeans? She thinks she is so shareef with her head covered, but she is wearing jeans? Can’t she just wear a shalwar qameez with a dupatta on her head? Why is she dressing like an Amreekan?” This auntie doesn’t get that the teenage girl is an American Muslim of Pakistani origin and that she takes pride in her jeans and hijab, and that they are just as much her national garb as a shalwar qameez. Her jeans and hijab mark her as part of the American-Muslim subculture. The auntie only sees the girl as Pakistani. So do many Americans who associated the term American with having a certain face, and do not include this teenage girl in their idea of the American prototype, though she is very much a product of her American environment. I recall telling the auntie that her dress is acceptable as there is no ayah or hadeeth that says “though shalt not wear jeans” and that the girl IS American in addition to being Pakistani, so why should she have to wear a shalwar qameez everyday. I was also secretly thinking that this recent immigrant auntie is gonna get a shock when her own kids start to dress like that teenage girl.

When my husband doesn’t get the hyphenated identity thing, I tell him: If you can only be what your parents are, then you are an Indian. His mom and dad were both born and raised in India. His dad emigrated at Partition, but his mom actually came for marriage some 22 years after partition. They still have many relatives in India. They have travelled to India on vacation. In terms of culture, they love India, especially my mother-in-law. My husband’s whole family history is very much Indian, the foods particular to their family, their dialect of Urdu, their whole lahjah is very Hindustani. As would be expected, they ARE Hindustani muhajjirs. But because of the particular dynamics of identity in Pakistan, they are of course 100% Pakistani. I am just trying to make a point with him. If the children of the Pakistani immigrants to the US can’t be American, then he can’t be a Pakistani. He has to be an Indian.

America has a totally different dynamic than Pakistan regarding identity politics, but with the same end: if you are born or raised in the US and live there most of your life, no matter where you are from, you are American. Your outlook will be American, though you may have a hyphenated identity and your personal outlook and style may reflect that you are part of an American subculture like that of Muslim American born and raised children of immigrants, for example. My husband still doesn't believe me.

The GCC is different. Here, a person does not attend local public schools. We are segregated from the local population. There is no way legally or culturally that any foreigner truly belongs here. (Though in the past immigrant groups did come to the pre-unified GCC and make it their permanent home, and they are very much diasporic…like the Baloosh for example). Still, a person born and raised here is influenced by being HERE in the GCC and not in their nation or culture of origin. This causes problems when for example, an Indian origin girl who was born and raised in Dubai and is used to the freedoms here and also the standard of living, marries into a family in her parent’s small town in India and experiences total culture shock at her in-law’s place where women’s roles, personal freedom, and standard of living are quite different. It is the same potential culture clash when an American raised person marries a person from “back home.” So for sure, growing up in the GCC also causes hybridism of identity.

In America, a person of Chinese origin may be the great-grandchild of Angel Island immigrants and have a history in the US just as long as a great-grandchild of Ellis Island Irish immigrants. No doubt the Chinese American has faced questions like, “Where are you really from?” and statements like “Wow, you’re English is sooo good!” on a regular basis. The 4th generation Irish American never gets such questions or comments.

My point about the judges dealing with potential deportees is this: What is the judge thinks like the auntie? Too many people do, really. The judge may be of a background that is considered legitimately American by mainstream Americans. S/he does not belong to a subculture and lives in a neighborhood with, works with, and mainly interacts with people of a more “mainstream” American background. S/he has never had to think about identity in terms of hybridism or diaspora. What if the judge doesn’t “get it” that the potential deportee is only nominally Cambodian by some glitch, but for all other purposes, American? Because the status quo erroneously equivalates having a Cambodian face with BEING a Cambodian national. Perhaps going before a judge for a deportation appeal (which is currently NOT even part of the process) wouldn’t make things better in every case. Because answering the question “Who is an American?” is subjective.

I think that ideally if the US insists on using this deportation law, there should be some qualifications for deportation that would protects these young Cambodian Americans and also others who would be caught in similar situations (as actually many American raised potential deportees of varying countries of origin---not just Cambodian--- have been). For example, stipulations on whether or not a person has a US education or US citizen spouse, siblings, and children should exist. Also, amount of time in the US should count. This would make things less subjective and curb institutional racism a tiny bit.

But alas, the world is not ideal, or this situation wouldn’t be happening in the first place.

This is just so unfair...Cambodian-Americans sentenced to jail, then to Cambodia

2007-11-14T01:16:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago on Al Jazeera English program Witness, which is highlights various global humanitarian issues in documentary form, I learned about this completely outrageous situation. I don’t know what one does to voice disagreement with it, write a congressman? Blogging it sure doesn’t seem like enough in this case? There has to be something:

In the late 60s and into the 70s, the US military conducted secret bombing campaigns in Cambodia (President Richard Nixon authorized without congressional approval some 540,000 tons of bombs) that completely destabilized the country and fostered the take over by the Khmer Rouge. The Khmer Rouge was a communist movement that wanted to revolutionize Cambodian society to make it a classless, peasant farmer nation in which all people were equal. What actually occurred was that an estimated 2 million Cambodians were murdered during the rule of the Khmer Rouge. Part of their campaign for a peasant society was “re-educating” all city dwellers, particularly intellectuals, writers, doctors, artists, musicians, actors, religious leaders, or social elites in order to mold them into servants of the nation and equals within the greater peasant society. Re-education for former urbanites included forcing these people into concentration camps, forcing them to work, torturing them, and killing them for any sign of deviance. They also forced actual peasant farmers to join their movement and massacred entire villages for not complying. Stories from this era in Cambodia are so terrible that they are almost unbelievable; hundreds of thousands of people were murdered simply for being educated, and their bodies were tossed into mass graves. Children and babies were killed for any sign of weakness or disobedience. People bearing the marks of being from the educated classes were killed because of having fillings in their teeth or wearing glasses, which indicated that they were city dwellers who were able to afford health care. The so-called peasant movement also engaged in persecuting rural villagers, ethnic minorities, and anyone who did not comply with their campaign. This led to hundreds of thousands of Cambodians fleeing the country as refugees. Now, remember, the domino that started this disaster was knocked down by US involvement in South East Asia and the secret bombings along the Cambodia/Viet border (although evidence indicates that large cities were bombed as well). The US decided to bear some culpability and gave asylum to many Cambodian refugees.

However, when the refugees arrived in the US, they were simply dumped into inner-city neighborhoods with no resettlement assistance (assistance was given to refugees from other countries sometimes). These Cambodians clustered together in their new alien urban environments. They were very marginalized as they usually spoke no English, and many being from rural backgrounds, were mainly unemployable or had to take menial jobs. They had no legal guidance and many never took the steps to naturalize and become US citizens because they had no idea how to, nor did they have the English skills to do so. Many of them fled with only part of their families, the members left behind having been brutally murdered or dying of malnutrition or exposure. Surviving children were like precious jewels and escaping with them in tow was no small task. Many families crossed mine fields and then lived in dire conditions in refugee camps before arriving to the US. These people did their best to move on with their lives, having more children who were US citizens by birth. Their lot in life in the US was different than the perilous life they had faced in Cambodia, but still grim in many respects. Statistics about the US South East Asian origin population, especially Cambodians, shows that many are plagued by the same issues as other people in impoverished inner city areas of the US: scholastic failure and dropping out, drug use, teenage pregnancy, unemployment, gang activity, and involvement in criminal activity.

Fast forward to 1996. A new law was passed that basically says that any foreigner who commits two misdemeanors or one felony can be deported after serving their prison sentences. This means that after paying for their crimes in US prisons, foreigners are sent home. This law is executed BLINDLY, without regard to individual circumstance. Some bizarre and completely unjust situations have occurred as a result. (For example, a Korean origin American adolescent was adopted as a baby by a white family. His adoptive parents somehow never finalized his citizenship paperwork. He speaks no Korean and is in every way shape and form completely American…as would be expected…but because of his adoptive family’s lack of vigilance with his legal status, and his involvement in criminal activity as a young adult, NO LIE---this young American man is sitting RIGHT NOW in a deportation center awaiting his return to Korea, a land he has never seen with a culture and language he knows nothing about!!! And he is not the only American foreign born adoptee in this situation!!!) In other words, people who are not legally American citizens based on some technicality, but for all other purposes are American, are being penalized AFTER their prison sentences by this law.

Regarding the Cambodian community, it is no surprise that given the circumstances and impoverished urban lifestyle allotted to Cambodian refugees, there are a disproportionate amount of young Cambodian origin Americans, who as products of inner city gang culture, are incarcerated. Some of these young men, actually about 1500, are sitting right now in deportation centers. Up to 150 have actually be deported. Who are these guys? They are mostly in their early 20s to 30s, grew up in America, had all or most of their education in the US, some speak little or no Khmer or any other Cambodian language very well, don’t read or write Khmer, are familiar with Cambodian-American culture but not native Cambodian culture, and who are essentially products of American society. However, even though they came to the US as toddlers or babies, their non-English speaking refugee parents did not complete the steps to naturalize them. Remember also that the US took these people in as toddlers and gave them asylum. But, being products of their urban US environment and disproportionately involved in criminal gang activity, they have been a particular target of this deportation law. So what has happened is that people who are essentially Americans have been sent “home” to a place that their parents fled from decades ago. This has really truly happened, as unjust and absurd as it sounds! These young American raised men, AFTER serving jail sentences in US facilities, are deported even without a secondary hearing to explain their case to a judge. They are victims of a blind system…if they had the opportunity to go before a judge, the judge would review the case and if s/he had any sense would recognize that these guys are Americans, criminals though they may be, just like any other American criminal…not to mention that they are deported AFTER serving their time. Isn’t that a second punishment? So US citizens only get punished once, but foreigners (though some are only nominally foreign being completely US raised) are punished a second time with deportation.

How does the Cambodian government feel about this? They initially did not want to allow these American gangsters into Cambodia. I mean Cambodia is one of the poorest countries on the planet and is struggling to recover from the legacy of the Khmer Rouge era, in addition to having basic development issues. And giant wealthy super power America is like “Hey y’all, here’s some American grown gangsters for you to deal with!” Cambodia did not comply with the US’s request to allow the deportations initially, but the US threatened to curb issuance of visas to Cambodian applicants, so Cambodia relented. When Cambodia gave in, dozens of young men were sent to a land they left as babies (as refugees!) and basically turned out into the streets. Do urban swaggering saggy baggy pant wearing tattooed Asian American gang banger ex-prison inmates fit in well on the streets of Phnom Penh? Well, HELL NO they don’t. Those guys are part of a specific American sub-culture and are total fish out of water in every way shape and form. Some only speak broken Khmer and a few no Khmer at all! Many have families from rural farming villages, and for many of them, most of their Cambodian relatives were killed decades ago by the Khmer Rouge. Having been tossed into environments in the US that surely disadvantage any person and put him on a path of struggle and temptation of gang life, these young men have then been tossed back out to a country that they have never laid eyes on---a country with a much different standard of living and social structure than what they are use to. Not to mention that the US’s history of involvement there caused their parents to flee to the US in the first place. Isn’t this whole situation completely off the chain wacko crazy? Is this really something that my home country is doing? Holy SHIT!

References:

http://www.deportableguy.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambodian_American_Repatriation

http://www.google.ae/search?hl=en&q=deported+Cambodians&btnG=Search&meta=

Another blogger has youtube clips of the documentary I saw along with some of his own thoughts on the issue.

Whining and wine

2007-11-03T03:55:00.000-07:00

When you are a Muslim in this time of heightened Western prejudice towards Muslims and all things Islamic, you often have to deal with snide comments and attempts at shaming and humiliating with rude racialized humor.

There is this online foodie forum in which I like to participate. If you are at all interested in food, this is a great site for you. I have learned a lot about different cooking techniques, cuisines, types of ingredients, and so forth from that site. I've used the site's tips to improve my stock making, to know how to choose a better steak, and the like. I offer comments to when it comes to food that falls into my areas of specialty. For example, I recently gave a recipe for fattoush salad, and one for qeema.

I noticed that there are many commenters from all over the world on this site. The vast majority seem to be white American, but there is quite a bit of diversity. One thing I’ve noticed though; because of the white dominance on the site, you get a lot of silly questions that innocently smack with common white American prejudices and stereotypes about people from other countries. The people are generally white liberals trying hard to embrace international food and expand their horizons. I don’t believe that they mean to use reductive language against people from around the world. But unfortunately they do sometimes. I recall a post about Chinese restaurants being the most intimidating of all restaurants. The poster of this topic presumes that all fellow site users are white, and describes the sense of feeling uncomfortable with language barriers and so forth in authentic Chinese restaurants. Many people agreed with him, but a few Chinese Americans called him out on that one. Another poster asks if “wealthy American society” is the only society with a problem of picky eaters and food allergies, and if people in say India, Japan, and Thailand also have these problems. This reveals underlying presumptions that America has an affluent society and the other countries (all Asians lumped together as if Thais, Japanese, and Indians have sooo much in common) are filled with poor people who cannot afford to be so picky. His post was meant to scold Americans for their pickiness, and many people jumped on board with him. But my initial reaction was that the whole post topic was really silly because it was written with the presumption that Americans are rich and Asians (the whole vast continent?) are the starving masses, and that no Asians have food allergies or complain about food. Usually I overlook these types of posts. The typical white liberal means no harm, he isn’t being intentionally racist. Though he gets on my nerves. And though this type of racism contributes to an intricate system of racism in the big picture. But you have to pick your battles.

Recently, something rather annoying happened to me directly that made me feel that the administrators of the site are cohorts of The Man. A poster said that s/he wanted to give a Pakistani family an Eid gift. S/he asked if it would be alright to give a box of Indian sweets. I commented that this would be great (very thoughtful indeed) and made some suggestions. A commenter came on and posted something in direct reference to my comment (rather than to the original poster) that said “Why don’t you give them a bottle of wine?” My initial thought was “ha ha ha very funny, you jackass.” But then a fellow poster, a non-Muslim commented that this person was being rude and sarcastic and reported him to the administrators suggesting that his comment should be removed. The administrators commonly remove arbitrary or inflammatory comments. I waited a few days and neither his nor her comment were removed. I then replied to her comment thanking her for her vigilance in reporting a facetious post and said I hope the admin removed his comment soon. Later, I logged in and saw that lo and behold, HER comment and my thanks to her had been removed. The wine comment was still there. The site admin is usually very strict about removing irrelevant comments from threads. Why was this quite unhelpful comment kept, even when someone reported it as being rude and offensive, and when it was basically superfluous? This is one of those little shaming incidents. This is the admin saying “We are not interested in protecting sensibilities when it comes to Muslims.” This is the admin showing me that I am not really welcome, but racist good ole boy humor IS. Sad indeed. I like the site so much because of the food info. I am excited that people from all around the world are just as interested in food and in sharing about food as I am. But I feel really disappointed that this is yet another venue where I have to be reminded about just how pervasive and acceptable that Islamophobia is these days. So sad, really.

Movie Review: In the Name of God or Khuda Ke Liye

2007-10-29T03:01:00.000-07:00

This weekend my husband and I watched the Pakistani film Khuda Ke Liye, or as it is known by its English title, In the Name of God. Here are my thoughts, a quasi-review if you will:

The story: There are three interlocking stories here. Musician brothers Mansoor and Sarmad are enjoying success when one day Sarmad is lured by fanatical Mullah Tahiri into joining his ranks as a fundamentalist and giving up music and all other things perceived as haram by the fundies. As in reality, the fundamentalists in this film are not interested in spiritual development within an Islamic framework, but are instead highly focused on superficial and easily controllable issues like being anti-music, wearing a shalwar qameez, sporting a beard, controlling women’s morality, etc. In the meanwhile, Mansoor and Sarmad have this half-white British cousin Mary who is planning to marry a white British boyfriend against her father’s wishes. Her father, himself a completely irreligious womanizer, fears his reputation in the British Pakistani community. He concocts a plan to bring Mary to Pakistan and forcibly marry her to one of her cousins. He succeeds, as neo-fanatic Sarmad agrees to marry her to keep her within the folds of Islam and earn points for himself in heaven. Mary is kidnapped and taken to a nameless village near the PK-Afghan border. As all of this is going on, Mansoor goes off to Chicago to earn a graduate degree in music. He meets and marries a white woman. Then 9/11 happens and Mansoor is mysteriously whisked away and detained for no apparent reason by U.S. authorities who beat and torture him to elicit a confession of his role in terrorism. Mansoor’s captivity by U.S. authorities parallel’s Mary’s forced marriage and imprisonment in the Frontier village.

The film touches on many important issues. Rather than ask the audience to use any interpretative capacity, the intended messages in the Khuda Ke Liye are spelled out for us in much of the dialogue and several soliloquies during the lengthy 3 hour film. One issue was the gross hypocrisy of Mary’s non-traditional, irreligious father who feels it necessary to impose Pakistani cultural and religious constraints on his daughter because of her gender. There was also a lot of time spent highlighting the ridiculous behavior of the so-called religious authorities of contemporary Pakistan and how they mislead the masses and spend energy on soullessly labeling everything remotely pleasurable haram, while promoting oppressive and violent practices. The last message was that the American Empire is evil, and this is demonstrated through the torture inflicted upon innocent Mansoor in the name of unjustifiable anti-Muslim sentiment.

Generally speaking, the film is entertaining and has depth. The messages hit you on the head like a hammer, but the movie is a pleasurable hammer. There are several flaws about the film which deserve address.

One was the casting of Mary. Who the heck chose Pakistani model Iman Ali to play the role of British born and raised biracial Mary? Iman Ali has zero acting skills. Her best scenes were those in which she was silent, posing like a model as she cried over her fate as an abductee. Her entire manner and style is extremely Pakistani. Her phony British accent was as torturous to watch as her character’s imprisonment. What a dreadful attempt at a British character with British English. Watching her character, whose British English sounds completely non-native, suddenly switch into fluent Urdu with her Pakistani family and her captors required a huge leap of logic. If her father never put her in touch with her Pakistani or Muslim roots, how on earth did she master Urdu? Though her character’s story was captivating, Iman Ali herself gave such a terrible performance that it detracts from the quality of the film.

A few other flaws were that in addition to the positive messages about Islam, there were two conspicuous and racist scenes that perpetuate negative messages about Jews and Sikhs in the film. The anti-Jewish scene was just nonsensical. On September 12, 2001, an orthodox Jewish man with a black hat and coat and those long dangly sideburns stands on a street corner passing out anti-Muslim flyers. This scene just reflects conspiracy theories. The Jewish character functioned as a symbol: a Jew fostering hatred between mainstream (Christian) Americans and Muslims. This scene in the film was just a cheap shot and fits well with conspiratorial positioning of Jews wielding secret agendas to manipulate Americans into doing their will. As a Muslim, it is very embarrassing that this anti-Semitic glitch was in this Muslim-made film. It will confirm stereotypes about Muslims as irrational anti-Semites to non-Muslims who view this film, and reinforce negative images of Jews for Muslim viewers.

The second racist scene included a Sikh attacking Mansoor. The Sikh blamed Mansoor and all Muslims in the U.S. for the terrorism of 9/11. The 9/11 attacks caused a racist backlash by opportunist bigots against not only Muslims, but many Muslim-ish looking ethno-religious groups. This included Sikhs. Rather than have the characters empathize with their shared vulnerability, the filmmakers pit the Sikh character against Muslims. This is a conscious choice reflecting the filmmakers’ own prejudices. It seems that the filmmakers see a bridgeable divide between white Christian America and the entire Muslim world while they discount sensitivity to any other groups.

There is one final yet major complaint about this film: Call me naïve, but the entire story about Mansoor, an irreligious music student living in the U.S. on a proper visa and then being incarcerated and tortured for no reason other than a call from a racist white neighbor is hard to swallow. There were truly many such calls made after 9/11. This is sad evidence of American racism and paranoia. And such racism and Islamophobia continues to this very day. However, the idea that one of these racist phone calls would actually be taken so seriously by U.S. authorities to the extent that was depicted in the film is just completely implausible. Not impossible. Just implausible.

Despite these very irritating leaps in logic asked of audiences by the makers of Khuda Ke Liye, the film does have important messages for both Pakistani and international audiences. The scenes of the Pak-Afghan border are beautiful, and the small side stories that occur there were a joy to watch. Also, the sound track of this film is excellent---it is a must own CD. Barring that of Iman Ali, the film is also packed with great performances. Rasheed Naz was spectacular as the fanatic Mullah Tahiri. He gives the character creative embellishments in mannerism and style of diction. Better known and well-loved Indian actor Naseeruddin Shah also gave a good cameo performance. His character was that of an enlightened mullah set to counterbalance the Islamic viewpoints presented by the fundamentalist mullahs. Mansoor’s white American wife Janie, played by Austin Sayre, made me giggle to myself with the nuances of her typical 20 something white female style of talking replete with copious “like” punctuating her speech, eye-rolls, gaping mouthed gasps, and exaggerated hand gestures. That looks like how I talk sometimes, and watching American women act like that from abroad makes me feel conspicuous because I know how strange those manners seem outside of the U.S.

One final thought about Khuda Ke Liye is that international audiences will learn a lot about Pakistan if they are willing to put their prejudices and pre-conceived notions aside. But what will Pakistani viewers gain from this film? Much pride in the fact that Pakistan has produced such a good film! Anti-fundamentalist thought is common in many Pakistani circles. However, the pro-fundies won’t be the types to see this film anyhow, so perhaps this film engages in a bit of preaching to the choir.

Nacho Baby

2007-10-25T03:28:00.000-07:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=h2uSzSDi0VA

Well, I think that the "mama" was just a sound and didn't mean mama after all. But hey, MY girl can dance and sing. Can't walk or talk. But thass okay.

Eid and an idiot...and an ishtihaar

2007-10-19T09:52:00.001-07:00

A belated Eid mubarak. All is well, alhamdulillah. My Eid was okay. On day one it was Friday so we spent the first part of the day at home. I made a lunch of haleem and lasagna, and the housekeeper made us some kheer. That evening, we went with Baby D to the Dubai Heritage and Diving Village. It is like this fake village displaying the traditional culture of the UAE. It is worth a visit. There were a few perfomances; a bag pipe troupe and some guys doing al yoala...that's a traditional Emarati dance performed by men. There were some old ladies wearing burgas who were selling local fried snacks and khubz ragaag. And there were camels. My daughter liked the camels. She goo-gooed at them. I thought she might be afraid of them, but she wasn't. We ate dinner at the water front on the creek. It was a touristy fakey Lebanese place. There are so many good Lebanese places in Dubai, but those that cater to tourists seem to be consistently bad. Well, the food wasn't bad as in inedible, it was just not as good as many other places. Alhamdulillah, our stomachs got full anyway. And we had a good time. The next day we went to lunch at a friend's house. She is Malay from Singapore and she cooked a variety of Malay dishes. I brought a Thai salad. Baby D was extremely afraid of my friend. She didn't mind her husband or the other guests. Just my friend. Whenever she came near, Baby D started crying and clinging to me. Very strange. Actually, my friend came over for iftaar once during Ramadhan and the same thing happened. Baby D just doesn't like my friend at all.

Eid can be depressing here. In the US there were always many invitations after Salaatul Eid, and many females actually went to the salaah. It was also great in Muscat. I never went to Salaatul Eid in Muscat because of the whole "women stay home and cook the Eid lunch" thing...but there were so many invitations and I spent several Eid in lovely Omani villages. It was great. Over here, well...many people fly home to be with family in nearby countries. Locals all visit each other. And the people left behind...well, we make do with the Heritage Village. On the second day after the lunch we went to the mall. I had been warned before not to go to the mall at Eid time. My friend said "Never go to the mall, it is like Yaum Al Qiyaamah inside." Well, I did it anyway. It was like a concert or something where you can't feel yourself walking, you just kind of flow along in a sea of people. We also watched the movie Laga Chunree Mein Daagh. It was okay. Just okay. I don't like Hindi films very much, but there had been a lot of hype about this film so I thought it might be good. It was different, but not fabulous or anything. I won't go into why because really it was a very unimportant and insignificant film.

So that was my Eid.

***

Baby D said Mama. That was her first word. Well, she kind of said mum-mum before, which is one of our baby words for food. But mama is her first real word. Mashallah.

Okay...I have to confess...according to my own mother, I said my first word, "hello," at 4 months. She said that she said hello to me and I replied. She was shocked and she said it again, and I repeated her. She says that by the time I was 1, I was talking in complete sentences like an adult. She said people would be so surprised when they spoke with me, it was just unbelievable. I know the portion of my brain that processes language must be strong, hence my inclination at language learning. So anyway, I was kind of sort of somehow secretly hoping that Baby D would talk early, too. She hasn't. Just kaka and goo. And then the syllabic babbling and stuff.

Well, that was just fine by me...but...you see...there is this thing with my neighbor. Okay, when I first met her we discovered that we are the same age and we were the same number of months pregnant. She delivered 5 days before me. Before we had our babies, she would always ask me these questions that made me feel that she was competing with me our something. I would talk to her and commiserate about how uncomfortable it was being pregnant. But she would ask how many kgs I gained. She gained WAY more than me. I also lost weight really quickly (because I dieted and exercised...believe me I WORKED for it). Anyway, her mom and mother in-law would ask the nanny about my baby, too. They would say, "oh she's so white!, what kind of formula are you feeding her." And then they went out and got that formula. My nanny just cracked up so much. "Hah, those idiots, they think they're gonna feed their baby that formula and she's gonna turn white!" The nanny is friendly with their housekeeper and she told me that they started massaging their baby with special preparations like yoghurt and chickpea powder in order to make her turn white. So silly. Anyway, the mom never spoke to me unless we ran in to each other at the market. And each time it was all competitive questions, never friendly questions. I am not a competative person at all and I really run away from stuff like that. Like she would ask, does your baby do this or that yet. For months, my baby was hitting developmental milestones before her baby. I swear I couldn't care less. I realize there is a huge window of time in which it is normal for things like teething, sitting up, etc. to occur. I was NOT interested in competing with the neighbor. They are very showy type people and they are business owners. They own luxury cars and stuff. We are not the same type of people. There is nothing for us to compete about. But anyway, the neighbor was just smarting with jealousy about everything, according to my housekeeper. I told my housekeeper that I didn't want to hear about any of this because in my eyes it was total nonsense. My housekeeper doesn't like them because they are kind of typical kind of rich spoiled people who treat their domestic help like dirt and my housekeeper gets really really pissed off when their nanny, who is an elderly woman, tells her about how the young madam treats her. Anyway, my housekeeper likes to tell me embarrassing things about them but I tell her that I don't want to hear any of this at all.

Okay, a few weeks back, the neighbors went on a two week vacation and left their new baby with the in-laws (one week with daadi, one week with naani). When they came back, guess what! Their baby had started talking, mashallah. And I have to admit it...I was jealous. Now I swear wallahi adheem, I am NOT a jealous or competative person AT ALL. I mean, I really look down at all of that pettyness. But astaghfirullah, I felt actual pangs of jealousy. I made lots of du'as for the neighbor baby, praying that she grow articulate and win people over with the wisdom and charm of her words. But I still feel a bit jealous. I saw their baby talk. She says beebee for baby! And bye bye. It is really sooo cute, mashallah. And their nanny asks her what sound a dog or cat or lion makes and she responds with the corresponding sound. Their baby is mashallah so clever and sharp, but Baby D is very simple and sweet natured. Everyone is different. I shouldn't compare. I know.

Well, I know it is all sooo stupid, and I can't believe I wrote out something so nonsensical and petty, but I just feel like getting it off my chest. Yep, I know. I am an idiot.

***
One last thing: Many kids here spend a lot of time with nannies since there isn't really a system of daycares. Many of these nannies are not fluent in the native languages of the families they work for, so they speak to the kids in their own native languages. I have friends and students who are locals who learned Bahasa Indonesia or Hindi from nannies. (Most kids forget their nanny's language when they are no longer regularly in contact with someone who speaks that language, but local families tend to always have a housemaid, not just a nanny for childcare) My nanny's friend's family's kids speak Nepalese with her (their native language is PK Panjabi). I told my nanny she can teach my daughter Yulmo (it is a dialect of Tibetan) if she wants, but my nanny prefers to speak in Hindi with Baby D, which is fine with me. Just FYI, the neighbors---you know, with the mashallah genius baby--- and their housekeepers are all from their same region in India and all speak the same regional language as a native language, so the baby speaks that language, too. Anyway, my husband and I were at the store and we saw these little blonde haired blue eyed European white kids with an older Indian woman. I come closer and I see the kids are explaining the contents of an advertisment board to the Indian nanny. The little girl is saying "Is ishithaar mein voh iskool ke baaray mein dikha rahay hain ki...." she even said "iskool" instead of school! Subhanallah.

Why no linkie linkie?

2007-09-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't added a blogroll. I also don't leave my blog address linked to my name when I come to other blogs. I just don't feel like having much traffic. The few of you who come are old pals who have been here all along. I had some bizarre troll issues at Wordpress and just don't want to deal with that. So please accept my apologies for no blogroll. Inshallah when I am feeling more social, I'll make one. I think the only place feeding here is the SSF. And I think I talk about things that aren't always wholly relevant to forum members.

I ate about a cup of raahash today. What is raahash? Raahash is an Arabic word that roughly translates to "expands your thighs really fast." I surely need to cut down on the raahash. I'll probably have raahash withdrawal. I don't eat the stuff outside of Ramadan anyway. Well, not typically. I think I am over my gulab jamon addiction. We had some from Nirala and I didn't eat them all at once. Pat on the back for me.

It is mid-Ramadan and I feel that I have been slacking on Ramadan inspired religious duties. Inshallah I will direct my energy and attention to more religiously oriented endeavours. I have to say that it surely is difficult to fast and look after a baby. My neighbor has four kids, bless her heart.

Speaking of neighbors, yesterday, each one of them sent us food at iftaar time. Even the Hindu neighbor. He made us homemade gol guppa. It was amazing, mashallah. He made them from scratch, even the puris and the bareek sev. Actually, it wasn't the couple that rents the place who sent the gol guppas. It was their very kind hearted "houseboy," an odd title for his job considering he is an older man with grown children. The couple has gone on vacation and left him alone in the house with nothing to do. Anyway, he sent us the chaat, and earlier in the week he insisted on making us masala dosas. He went to town and showed up with idlis, wadas, sambhar, coconut chutney, a few plain dosas, three stuffed dosas, and to top it off, some Sheer Qorma. That was really nice. We have done him a couple of favors so I think he is repaying us in food! I keep telling him not to, but he does it anyway. Actually, I don't mind because he is such a good cook. I only sent each of my neighbors something once. I'll have to do that again.

Well, anyhow. Thanks for stopping by even though I haven't linked you. I do appreciate your patronage, even when I am just rambling. Even though I am trying to be all anti-social, I'd be truly sad if you never came. So really, thanks. I wish I could send you a cyber dish of food for your break-fast...

Racism Against Asians in the Arabian Gulf

2007-09-25T03:06:00.000-07:00

Racism towards Asians in the Gulf is a sensitive topic, but one that people often bring up or ask me about. Not that I am an expert---I am neither Arab, nor Asian---but I do have my observations on the issue. There is a lot to be said about it that cannot be covered in one blog post. Before I discuss GCC racism towards Asians, I think it is only fair to point out that racism is a problem everywhere. In order to have a fair discussion about the GCC, it must be acknowledged that no place in South Asia is a bastion of tolerance, either. Neither the Gulf nor South Asia claim to be unprejudiced societies. Personal and institutional racism are deeply woven into the social fabric of both places, and this occurs relatively unquestioned, as if this were the way that things should be. Racism is prevalent in every society, including in the US, despite the supposed “colorblind” society many Americans falsely believe they have. I must point this out simply because Gulf Arab nations are often used as a punching bag and scapegoat by people from the surrounding regions, and also by the West. As if, in addition to other common complaints against the GCC, it is only the Gulfies with a prejudice problem.

Racism and prejudice is also prevalent in South Asia. I have frequently witnessed people openly express racist ideas which are widely accepted as truths and thrive unquestioned, or engaging in discriminatory practices. Rather than being viewed as social ills, such racist ideas and the structural and institutional racism that goes hand in hand with these ideas are dripping from the walls.

Ideas like “Pathans are naturally stupid,” “Afghan refugees are the reason why Pakistan has so many problems.” “This person’s group is naturally filthy and lazy, that’s why you find so many of them being maids,” (said by an Urdu speaker about a woman from the Saraiki belt.) “Gujaratis are cheap, she shouldn’t complain because she knew that when she married one,” “Urdu speaking people, as opposed to us Punjabis, are colorless and flavorless stiffs.” “Urdu speaking people are ugly and look like Indians (said by a Punjabi Pakistani). “Punjabis are very materialistic, and you can see that by their gift giving demands in their marriages,” “Bengalis are black and ugly,” “You’ve kept us waiting for the food so long, you’ve made us into Bangladeshi beggars.” (said by an Indian Bengali) “People from South India are black and ugly.” “People from North India are all business minded cheaters,” “Pakistani mothers don’t love their children,” (said by an Indian Hyderabadi woman who runs a home daycare business whose main clientele is Pakistani) “Bhatts are all useless,” “Gujjars have a smile on their face but they’ll stab you in the back.” “Muslims are filthy and they have too many kids, that’s why India has so much poverty---because there are too many Muslims here.”

I could really go on and on with these sorts of statements. Caste, race, and class discrimination is rife within South Asian society. Caste and class affect everything from one’s health care and chance of survival at birth, to one’s educational and career prospects (very literally as caste still determines career path, especially for economically marginalized “lower caste” groups), to one’s likely age of death. Lower caste and poor people can expect little protection from authorities if they raise accusations of abuse of any sort from a higher class (moneyed and higher caste) person. Feudal ideas still permeate life even in many places in India, where the feudalism was abolished at Independence.

So let’s just get one things straight, discussing racism against Asians in the GCC is not about taking the moral high ground and pretending that discrimination doesn’t exist elsewhere. I think people often forget that when they have this conversation. I have seen this when upper class, educated Asians have found themselves at the receiving end of discrimination in the Gulf, perhaps after an encounter with the police after having had a car accident with a local, while they themselves have a house filled with dark skinned, malnourished, lower caste and impoverished Asian maids whom they personally treat like dirt.

A second point to note is that S. Asians are not the only targets of racism in the Gulf. Here is a simple synopsis:

In the GCC, you learn the social hierarchy when you enter the airport in one of the countries. There is a special short line for GCC nationals (Yemen, the poorest Gulf country is not in the GCC---it isn’t about being Khaleeji, it is about petrodollars)

Then there is a line for people who can get in the country w/out a visa or w/ a visa-upon-arrival, which would be North Americans and Europeans (not Eastern Europeans, of course), plus Japanese.

For those waiting to collect a pre-arranged visa:

There is a special line for non-GCC Arabs,

Then a line for S. Asians and Africans.

If you have a residence visa, you go to the queue for the white people, regardless of your nationality.

Here is a basic breakdown of the social scale:

1. Wealthy pure Arab blooded nationals of whatever GCC nation, Among the GCC, Saudi, Kuwait, and UAE are the best (richest, though as we know Saudi is having big problems these days), with Qatar, and Bahrain next, followed by miskeen, ta’abaan Oman, and very miskeen Yemen, which w.out petrodollars, is one of the poorest countries in the world.

2. Non-Arabs or “lesser” Arabs who have taken GCC nationality: black Arabs who are the descendents of slaves, part African Zanzibaris, Baloosh, Lawatis, Ajami, etc, plus the occasional Yemeni, Sudani or whoever whose family got GCC status in the 1970s. Plus, poor GCC national “pure” Arabs who have not benefited from the nations’ wealth and aren’t from prominent tribes. (I promise there are lots and lots of these, they are fishermen, date farmers, security guards, petrol pump attendants, and so forth, and also unemployed)

3. North American and Northern European, Aussie, Kiwi, and S. African whites If one looks at global systems of racism and discrimination in terms of the White Supremacist Capitalist Sexist Western hegemony, the truth is that Western economic practices and foreign policy help to create or at least continue the exploitation that occurs here, so in the broad picture, whitey is still the big boss man, even above group #1.

4. Other “lesser” Arabs, S. Asians, Filipinos, Africans, etc who are professionals and who have passports and educations from countries in #3. They are basically middle class.

5. Professional “lesser” Arabs, from anywhere from Morocco to Egypt. Plus Iranians. who are usually middle class or elites in their countries, and many have Western educations.

6. Professional S. Asians, who are usually middle class or elites in their countries, and many have Western educations.

7. Non-professional Arabs and Iranians who work as laborers, waiters, drivers, etc.

8. Non-professional Eastern Europeans, Chinese, Filipinos, and other non-Arabs who work in the same sectors in #6. These groups are also very prevalent in prostitution (with the exception of Filipinos)

9. Any “unskilled” and uneducated laborer from a developing country who is doing backbreaking manual labor or working as a domestic servant

Note that there is a HUGE income gap between the people in #1-6 (excluding poor GCC nationals) and people in #7-9

The socioeconomic situation in S Asia is the answer to the question as to WHY on earth any person would come to a place where they know they would be treated poorly. Let’s deal with the issue of the poor migrant workers first. Western oriented global hegemony keeps S. Asia and much of the rest of the world poor and struggling, so in the big picture, there is shared blame. But let’s look at a micro-level at the motivation of a migrant laborer:

First, there is definitely something to the stereotype of the lazy Khaleeji who thoughtlessly exploits South Asian laborers and other under privileged people (but I assure you that they are not ALL like that, and that many of them are poor and hardworking, too). I see that everyday. The men who clean the building where I work earn 300 dirhams, or about $85 bucks a month, plus room and board (two meals a day, usually mutton pullao, and a single room with one bathroom shared by 10 men) and they often have their pay withheld for months by the owner of the company (they are sub-contracted, my employer doesn’t pay them directly). Many people have housemaids who, even when treated reasonably well, are still paid peanuts and are subject to emotional abuse, depression, and loneliness. And that is the best scenario. The worst cases are when they are sexually exploited by their sponsors, or physically abused. By the way, not all housemaids are forcibly sexually exploited. They often enter these relationships consensually, either with Khaleeji men who promise them jewelry and marriage, or with other poor laborers, like the Indian gardener or the water-man. But I don’t blame these women because many of them are seriously deprived of any form of affection for the entirety of their 2 year contracts, and are very vulnerable to this. Many of these women are only teenagers and have falsified their ages on their passports, their age furthering their vulnerability to abuse and exploitation.

In Oman, less laws protect laborers (Emirates has laws on the books, but doesn’t often enforce the laws), and the people constructing houses often sleep inside the structures they are building. Men are transported to and from work in some parts of the Gulf inside of the back of semi-trucks, like animals. They sometimes suffer from heat stroke in the 50 degree summers. Note that this is illegal in other parts of the Khaleej, and the men are transported in un-air conditioned school buses---this is the case in the UAE.

I could go on and on with a list of one thousand horrible and shocking things I have seen here.

But,…where do these men and women come from? Imagine a laborer from rural Punjab. He is semi-literate and works on a farm in chak #245. In his village, he sleeps on the floor or on a charpai without any air conditioning. He labors in the 50 degree Punjabi summer heat. He sees his neighbor has built a house from money that he made as a laborer in the Gulf. $85 per month is a ton of money in rural Punjab. His family is now in a “pukka” house, and his sons can afford to go to school. They have also purchased a refrigerator, even though the electricity goes out for a few hours each day where he lives. This man thinks, I know when you go to the Gulf, you become a donkey and work all day and life is miserable, but I want the same things for my family. There is no work for me here, and I will earn far more in the Gulf than if I try to get a job in Multan or Lahore, the nearest major cities. Plus, all the rich people there think of me as a slave and a paindu any way, so what’s the difference if I work for a Pakistani slave master or a fat Arab? The Arab will pay me more. So he takes out a 12,000 rupee loan to arrange for a visa through an agent, and heads off for the hellish life, to give his family a better life. Hopefully his loan shark and trafficker really take him to a job and get him a visa. If so, he arrives. His living conditions are actually slightly better in the Gulf, though he is worked to death like a slave during unbearable heat. He was either unemployed or working like a donkey for a landlord in Punjab back home, anyway, he tells himself. The only difference is that here in the Gulf, he is without the family that was his only source of comfort. Instead, he only has his co-workers. He meets Sikhs from the other Punjab, Bangladeshis, and Hindus, plus people from all over Pakistan and Afghanistan. And he sends home cash to his family, and he builds his own house. This is the best case scenario. He might end up working for months without pay, being tricked into working without a visa and therefore having no legal recourse for collecting pay. He might become injured on the job and crippled for life while his employer sweeps his case under the carpet to avoid paying worker’s compensation. Any number of ills might befall him.

Then imagine a 15 year old Indonesian girl, the eldest daughter in her family. She lives in a slum in Jakarta. She has no electricity in her house, no education, and no prospects. Her family knows that she can earn a lot of money by going to work as a housemaid in the Gulf. They have seen the families who can afford to send all of their kids to school, install a phone, buy a TV, and upgrade their life in ways otherwise impossible because their daughter or daughter in-law went off to the Gulf. They also know that it will be hard to get their eldest daughter married because the stereotype is that no girl comes back from the Gulf as a virgin. They have heard the stories of rape, but they have also seen girls coming home covered in 21 karat jewelry, gifts from their lovers. They are willing to sacrifice one daughter so that they can get their other daughters married, and give all of their children schooling. Sacrificing one child will save the family. They arrange for a ticket. The girl could end up with a wealthy family in an urban city. She could have three kids to look after, a huge house to clean, and a madam who buys her nice clothes and takes her (to work a 16 hour day) on vacation to London and Germany. Still, she will be treated like crap, but in Indonesia she is a poor slum dweller, and people above her station treat her like crap there, too. The girl could end up sleeping in a barn, looking after goats in a rural desert area. She is used to the heat, but the tropics is nothing like the hellish desert in the summer. The girl could end up in a lower middle class family’s home. She will sleep on the floor in the kitchen. She will help the madam tend to 12 kids, and she will get the brunt of the stress placed on her madam in the form of occasional beatings and rude behavior. She will probably be forced to massage her tired old madam’s feet and backs. Of course, no one will ever massage her feet. Her hands will be chapped and marred by cleaning fluids. Her face will break into pimples because she works with a dirty scarf wrapped around her head morning and night. It is luck of the draw, and she could end up in a bearable situation, or a horrible two years of misery. If she doesn’t like the house where she is placed, she has the option to return to the agent, but he will beat her and lock her in a closet and tell her to be grateful someone wanted an ugly Indonesian like her.

All the laborers have some clue about what they are getting into. It is exploitation pure and simple, but the people who come here are aware of it---not that their awareness justifies their exploitation, it just speaks to their desperation. They don’t have any better options at home. In both India and Pakistan, when I chit chat with certain types of people, like servants or rickshaw drivers or whoever, they BEG me to try to get them visas or sponsor them. (Of course I cannot)

The picture is not as simple as Gulf Arab = evil exploiter. What about the economic situations and classism, etc. in the laborers’ countries of origins? What about the global picture and the systems of exploitation that lend to what goes on in the Gulf---which American and European companies, with their supposed adherence to strict standards of human rights laws, happily participate in? It is economically beneficial for Western companies to ignore inhumane labor practices in the Gulf. There is just so much money to be made.

All I can say is that the solution is not to stop these people from coming here. It is to give them basic human rights in the legal system and enforce laws protecting these rights. It is also about giving the poor person the benefit instead of the rich one. There is this thing called “wasta” or social influence here, and when laborers complain and try to attain their legal rights, the biased courts side with the Gulf Arabs, or even if they side with the poor person, they don’t enforce the ruling because laborers have zero wasta. I am thinking of rape accusations, and also when the court orders companies to pay their laborers, but don’t follow up by forcing them to pay or face penalties such as denying them the ability to sponsor new laborers until the old ones are paid.

My point is here that it is a hairy situation.

Now what about the case of upper class, well educated Asians who come here? How can they stand the discrimination? Aren’t they nothing more than sell-outs, trading their dignity for a higher standard of living? Well, the truth is that Gulf Arabs use racist language to mock Asians on a regular basis. According to Gulf Arabs, Asians are poor, tacky people who wear gaudy clothes, dance around and sing frequently, have smelly bodies and smelly food, are liars and cheaters in business, and are basically less valuable as human beings. It is common in conversation, and also commonly seen in Gulf television serials (hmmm, and there are racist jokes and racial stereotypes replete in Indian entertainment as well, just think about how any minority group, say Sikhs, are treated in Hindi movies, balle balle)---there is no sense of political correctness whatsoever. It is definitely part of the culture. In addition, there are strictly compartmentalized groups to which locals and expats belong to, and people don’t mix socially very often. Elite Asians do not regularly see or feel the discrimination the way their poor compatriots do. They live in bubble communities in which they have a very high standard of living without the irritation of pollution or load shedding and so forth. They can fly home to be with family or to go shopping without much hassle. For those who are Muslim, they are residing in a Muslim country with prayer rooms available at work and in shopping centers, plus air conditioned mosques. There really are a lot of benefits to being here. These people often ignore the maltreatment of their compatriots because they do not identify with them in any way whatsoever. How could they have any connection to the dirty, uneducated, ignorant laborers? Gasp! The problem comes in when one of these elite Asians encounters institutional discrimination, perhaps when dealing with a legal problem. An Asian will never be treated well on an institutional level, such as while dealing with an unscrupulous local land lord, after a car accident, etc. Also, when Asians are working with locals in a professional setting, despite superficial friendships that may form, it is understood that no Asian is the social equal to a GCC national. Can this be a true friendship?

There is a long history of interaction between the GCC and S. Asia. Long ago, S. Asia was in the economically superior position that the GCC now holds. Trade routes sent Arabs to Asia to do business. GCC Arabs sent their children to study in India. Today, the Asian ties to the Gulf are obvious in everything from traditional Gulf styles of jewelry, embroidery, clothes, so many foods, and of course lexical adoptions of Indic words into Gulf Arabic. Non-Gulf Arabs describe Gulf Arabs as Indianized! Centuries of connections have ensured that. But don’t point these things out to a GCC national. He will get offended that you found him to be so Indian.

S. Asians who have settled in the West sometimes don’t get how any self-respecting Asian could live in a place like the GCC where the locals are so openly prejudice towards them. I think that in many Western contexts, because racism is very prevalent yet swept under the rug of political correctness and supposed colorblindness, it seems as if the West is a much better place to settle in comparison to the Gulf. In many ways, this is true. In the West, any person can put down roots and become a legal citizen. One can own property and is guaranteed many rights under the legal systems of respective Western countries. But it is extremely naïve to question Asians who reside in the GCC, as if there were no discrimination against Asians in the West. I think all of the paranoia and open hostility to people of color and minorities, especially Asians and more so Muslims, in the post 9/11 era is testament to this. And this hostility isn’t new or infrequent. It has simply been amplified since 9/11. So the West is no utopia either. Both places are a compromise. My personal feeling is that being in the West is less of a compromise on some levels, but others may feel differently. However, I maintain my opinion because of many personal experiences with GCC people who sincererly think that Asians are somehow inherently lower people, and their complete unwillingness to look at their prejudice on a critical level. Plus, I just have a gut reaction of disgust to anyone who finds my Asian husband, and my half Asian daughter to be "low" because if their race, or me to be "low" for being married to an Asian. It makes me feel sick to the point of nearly wanting to vomit because it is not just a few people who feel that way here, but nearly everyone. That is my own perspective.

One should consider again the global monopoly which creates the “brain drain” from S. Asia in the first place; the one that privileges the Western life, and on the flip side makes living in the desh difficult in comparison. Why is it that certain countries are rife with difficulties like poverty, pollution, and corruption where people have to struggle so much that they step on their compatriots and brethren to get ahead? Why is it that the best opportunities in terms of health care, standard of living, education, and so forth, are all concentrated in a few places, leaving the rest of the world lacking?

Racism in the West, in the GCC, and in S. Asia are all abhorrent, but they become more sinister as the level of power and privilege increases in the hands of the prejudiced. Where does the locus of power truly lie? The solution has a lot to do with a better balance of global power and opportunity as much as it has to do with eliminating everyday racist thinking around the world.

Disillusionment and the Myth of the Islamic World

2007-09-24T02:34:00.000-07:00

We use the term "Islamic world" in common parlance to denote a number of regions in the world whose respective inhabitants are linked by the main (and sometimes only) thing they have in common: they are Muslims. While the term is accurate in that sense, I feel that calling majority Muslim countries "the Islamic world" is in some ways a misnomer. The term "Islamic world" implies that everything that happens in these Muslim majority countries is somehow a part of normative Islam. There is the presupposition that the people, the government, and the laws of the land are all functioning within an ideal Islamic framework. In reality, this is far from true. This can be a jarring, even painful discovery for Western Muslims upon first encounters with this so called Islamic world. (Especially after having been sold on the superiority of "back home" by understandably home sick first generation immigrants who may idealize what they miss, and reject their new place of residence for its inherent differences from "back home") Just like every place has its flaws, Muslim majority countries are not perfect, nor are they functioning with Islamic values as a benchmark for standards, legally or otherwise. The term "Islamic world" also suggests that there is no authentic Islam in other parts of the world where Muslims are a minority. As if there were no Islam in India, in Russia, in North America, in Trinidad, or in Australia. As if there, Muslims there are somehow less "Islamic." Any Muslim who lives by the values of Islam, and among other duties, prays, values humanity and justice, gives charity, and remembers The Creator, is living by Shari'ah. This means that Muslims who do these things are all striving on the Path that Allah has set out for us to achieve a better human situation, and to attain spiritual blessings in this life and the next. Being "Islamic" is the essence of these acts. Not the ground upon which they are performed. Recently, I have come upon two blog articles which express similar experiences as to my own upon encountering the so-called "Islamic world" as a Western convert who had been sold the notion of a pure, idealized land of Islam in foreign lands. I am much wiser about the issue now than when I first moved to a Muslim majority country. But I am still dealing with my disillusionment on some levels. As personal fitnah, I fight cynicism and sometimes disillusionment with my religion in general because of these things. As a small drop in a sea of Muslims, I realize that I can't control or correct the un-Islamic wrongs I see occurring in the so-called Islamic world. I also realize that my judgementalism, while connected to true disillusionment, is also connected to personal arrogance, and perhaps cultural arrogance as a Westerner coming to the the lands of The Other. Inspite of having been a Muslim for over a decade, and being somewhat versed in issues surrounding Saidian defined Orientalism, I am a product of my Western Orientalist society, and I must acknowledge that I was raised to Otherize just like any of my peers. In regards to personal arrogance, I must pray for the reduction of my arrogance, and also pray for the success of the people whom I judge. And for my Western style Otherizing of the problems of the Islamic World, I must attack any chauvinism that lies in my mind. Still, there are real and severe problems in the so-called Islamic world, and Muslims must accept and tackle them. In addition, Muslims who are located outside of what is commonly thought of as the Islamic world must work to improve their own communities. Anyhow, I wanted to share these articles with you to further the discussion.

Um Zaid

Marjari

I should acknowledge that my attention towards these articles was directed by visits to this blog.

Tumbleweed

2007-09-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Baby D's 9 month check up. She is 9 months old, subhanallah. If I had conceived on the day I gave birth to her, my new baby would be due just about now. Part of me wants to try again for a second baby right away. Like in February or so. That way Baby D and Baby X would be 2 years apart and they could be best buds growing up. Like me and my bro. The pragmatic part of me says, hold yer horses thaar pardner, wadderyu thinkin'? This has been one of the hardest years of my life because of the investment of time and energy in caring for Baby D. And it ain't gonna be over soon. So I'm thinking, wait and space the rug rats out a bit. A three year gap is ideal so that I ain't gonna be chasing TWO babies around. Ultimately it is in Allah's hands. We'll see if I get too greedy for number two and lose my senses and end up with a basketball belly again next fall. Let's just see.

So DH and I are seriously discussing emigrating to N. America. It isn't the best timing. The US looks headed for a recession. Islamophobia is at an all-time high, perhaps since the Crusades. We could stay longer and try to accumulate more savings. But I just feel that now is as good as a time as any, and if we don't decide to get up and go, no regrets, we are gonna be stuck here forever and ever. This happens to people out here you know. They say "just gonna do one contract." They finish that and then say "just one more year" for a few years in a row and then right under their noses, a decade goes by. I have been in this region for going on 6 years now. I want to go home. It would be this summer if we do it. My husband feels ambivalent about it. He knows that people can't make roots here. He knows I won't live in Pakistan. He knows this isn't the best place to raise kids. But he is still attached to this place. He is Masha'allah a loyal soul and I think he feels an emotional connection to this plastic, soulless city. I guess I do a little bit, too. But not enough to make me wanna stay. So it may be this summer. Or we may chicken out and put it off for another year. Or four. But I think I should just put on my blindfold and walk the plank out into the unknown now before it gets even harder to get the hell outta here.

Why? Why do I wanna go? I like my job, but I kinda would like to stay at home with my baby for a year or so. Or at least just work part time. Every nice thing we have here is connected to my job. Our house, our plane tickets, it is all keeping me away from my baby. But it is too expensive to be here on just my husband's salary. So we gotta go. Also, I have to say that I have not settled into this place. I loved Oman. But this place is not at all like Oman. Here it is cold, lonely, and big-city. I still have very few close friends. I have no active religiously oriented social life. I cannot regularly go to mosques or lectures or any of the things I used to do back in the US. Here it is a man's religion and women get to go shopping or cook the desserts. Here it is either all black niqaab or you're practically a belly dancer. There it is a struggle, but still there is this American Islam that is distinct from all of the culturally entrapped Islams of here. Yep and I know here there are prayer rooms in all the malls. But that's all that there is here. Malls. And I know that we get reduced working hours for Ramadan. There are some great aspects to being here. But I want to go home. I want my daughter to have home. Non-local kids who grow up here are 3rd culture, rootless, homeless kids. She's gonna have broken Urdu and a strange English that is partially American and partly British with an Indian twist. She is gonna think having housemaids is normal. She is gonna be arrogant and think that her privilege makes her a superior being. She is gonna be a snob. She is gonna have the wrong values, the wrong idea about Islam, the wrong idea about iniquity. I want to whisk her away from here and give her something more similar to what I know back home. Not that it's perfect there. It ain't. But it's home.

Happy Fasting

2007-09-12T02:25:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone has a spiritually successful Ramadan.

Banaat Arriyaadh

2007-09-10T02:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I want to finish this book before Ramadhan because it isn't the piety inducing sort of tome that I imbibe during the Holy Month. Besides the Quran, I usually make it a point to read some religion oriented texts and re-read a few favorites like Sheikh Hamza Yusuf's translation of Purification of the Heart. That is a great book, by the way.

But before it becomes time to start acting all holy guacamole, I am delving into the delightful little novel Girls of Riyadh by Rajaa Al Sanaea. This book has been slammed in the GCC for exposing Saudi social ills to foreigners and seemingly endorsing an immodest and secular lifestyle. Nonsense. This book critiques certain Saudi social mores and religious hypocracy, but I don't think it encourages un-Islamic behavior. It simply art imitating life, and the lifestyle presented here is real life for many young GCC women and men. The author is like the modern Sa'udiyya version of Oscar Wilde. With tongue in cheek, she uses clever, seemingly light and fun language to give an ironic, sarcasm filled critique of modern social problems faced by young upper middle class Saudis, and I would say young GCC nationals from any cosmopolitan city in the region. The book has actually been creating a buzz for a while now because it was published in the original Arabic a few years ago, but just recently came out in an English translation---which I am reading.

The writer sounds like friends of mine. Her playful, rich voice sounds like a cosmopolitan Khaleeji girl, exactly and to a tee. Her characters' thoughts and outlook on life seem so familiar. These women are people I know. These are some of my friends. The issues in this book are the real problems of many women of the Khaleej. The book focuses on relationship problems experienced by 4 college aged school friends. Through each young woman's particular problems, readers are forced to critique the social context that perpetuates them. Sexism, racism, sectarianism, tribalism, religious hypocracy, homosexuality, classism, arranged marriage, and many more serious social issues are touched upon here as part of the backdrop to the girls' lives.

Girls of Riyadh has been dismissed by a US reviewer as Arabian "chick lit," which is a totally sexist brush off of this well written book. Some have compared it to the trash writing sensationalist Jean Sasson's Princess series. The difference between them is immense. Sasson paints Saudis in a negative and sterotypical light. Al Sanaea gives the characters depth and likeability, while alluding to the shallowness of their materialism and the social constraints that bind them. Al Sanaea is a Saudi herself and loves her society and has a right to criticize it because she has a stake in it. Sasson just produces Orientalist fodder.

Girls of Riyadh sometimes has a fluffy feel to it, but that is part of its charm. This is an extremely enjoyable read and I most definately recommend it, so go and get it now and have your Fat Tuesday before it is time to stuff this sort of thing away and start the somber fasting.

Deer in the Headlights

2007-09-03T02:37:00.000-07:00

I might have to apply for public school, language institute, and community college teaching jobs in the U.S. while wearing hijab. I am so intimidated by this. I fear that I won't get a job because of my hijab. I have a pretty firm understanding of institutionalized discrimination---public policy exists that on paper assures applicants that race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc. are not factors taken into consideration while evaluating candidates. Actually, since the type of places to which I will be applying are generally progressive "equal opportunity" employers, ideally I would hope that their selecting an applicant like me would be a testament to their commitment to affirming diversity in the workplace---considering that I am well qualified. But in reality I know that institutional discrimination could enter the picture though it is not the codified policy, but based on individual internalized reactions to scarved women, and adherence to stereotypes about us that will obscure the rest of my persona and leave me jobless. Individuals on a hiring committee may (quite mistakenly) presume that I represent a value system that conflicts with their own, my students or their parents will not like having a teacher who looks like me, I am a rabid anti-Semite, I am oppressed, I represent political issues that are distracting from who I am as a person, and that I am basically a gonzo and may as well be wearing deer antlers strapped on my head for the interview. I am also aware that some states have laws that could be used to justify preventing a person who looks like me from teaching in a public school if anyone were to make an issue about it. Luckily, my home state does not have such laws as far as I know.

It only takes one interviewer to have a visceral reaction to my scarf and say something like, "She is well qualified, but I am not sure if she suits our context." Others will nod their heads in agreement, dismiss my application, and leave me without a career or income.

I have several friends who have removed their hijabs after graduating from university and then having negative experiences during job interviews. No one was told "We are not hiring you because of your scarf." But one can only suspect. I have had other encounters that have left me with the feeling that I have been treated differently because of my status as a visible Muslim, in other words, because I have a scarf on my head. It doesn't happen constantly, but it does occur.

I have a lot of istikhara to do. None of this is happening soon. It may be months and months away. But I can't help but allow the fear of discrimination to just petrify me and leave me feeling helpless. Should I just go and interview with my scarved head held up high?

A Really Good Essay

2007-08-27T03:48:00.000-07:00

Rachel at Rachel's Tavern has written in plain and simple language about the issue of white normativity and white suspicion of institutions created for minorities and people of color. Do take a few moments to read it.

Bad Things in Threes

2007-08-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Bad things come in threes? I had three kind of unusual and bad things happen to me recently. They all have to do with this wedding I attended, so let me fill in the background for you. A friend of mine invited me to her wedding in a distant Emirate. It took me about 1 hour and a half inching a long in traffic to get there. But this friend had been asking me again and again for months if I would attend her wedding, and she arranged for another friend to lead me to the wedding hall from a midway meeting point and all, so I agreed to come. Anyway, it’s sunnah that if someone invites you to a wedding you should go. So the nanny, baby, and I went two nights to this wedding. Two nights? It’s because Emaraati weddings take place over several nights and parties start over a month before. I was invited to the two main nights; the “Indian” night in which brides wear either a traditional green outfit, or more likely these days, a red Indo-Pak bridal outfit, and then the white dress day, when brides where a Western style bridal gown. I wore shalwar qameezes both nights. So what happened?

1) Okay, on the first night it took me like 1 and a half hours to get ready because I did heavy eye make up after not having applied that kind of eye make up in a really long time. I was peering into my makeup mirror on my little dressing table, which was overly cluttered with all of my party make up paraphernalia. I accidentally pushed my beloved watch over the edge of the dressing table and it cracked into pieces on the hard floor. This watch is four years old and is my most favorite watch in the universe. It is CK slim bangle model with a digital face. It is REALLY hard to find a delicate and digital watch. Digital watches for women are not very common in the first place, but any that do exist are usually rubbery sports watches. That watch was the perfect watch for me. I have seen the occasional digital women’s watch---non-sports model, but never with a bangle shape. You see, I have sensitive skin and I hate having a watch sticking against my wrist. It itches me. So the bangle design kept the metal away from my skin. Alas, I am still mourning my poor watch. Maybe I can get another on eBay, but I’ve discovered that this particular model finished a couple years ago. Such a pity.

2)My landlord illegally tried to raise the rent on us at contract renewal time. My employer pays for most of the cost of our accommodation, so I had the housing officer from HR call and yell at the landlord and the apartment manager. They came to an agreement after a long game of phone tag. Weeks long. Anyhow, this delayed receipt of the signed contract and more importantly, the rent check. (The year is paid for in one chunk) So even though the delay was caused by the landlord himself, he actually sends GUNDAS over to my house to harass us. My husband is out of town on business. I am getting ready for the wedding and I am wearing a full set of aroosi jewelry and loads of make-up. A gunda rings the doorbell and the nanny answers. He starts yelling at her and demands the rent check. She calls me. I come down stairs with a big black chadar covering my dressy appearance---I use the chadar to cover my face as well. The gundas can still see I am all dressed up and they are eyeing me over and giving me this creepy look as they explain that the landlord wants his money. I put them on the phone with the housing officer and go back inside, slamming the door. What the hell? Is my landlord in the mafia? Sending men to bother us? It is HIS own fault that the check and contract weren’t received before last year’s lease expired. HE broke the law by trying to raise the rent. So typical in Dubai. Anyhow, he wasn’t able to raise the rent on us, though he slapped on a phony “maintenance fee” of a couple of thousand dollars instead. Also a typical weaselly landlord thing to do over here. Such nonsense. I am sooo angry about the gundas. I mean, it is obvious that there is no man in the house right now because a woman would never come to the door if there were. That made me feel really vulnerable and even more PISSED OFF!

3)At wedding day 2, we sat at a table and these little boys from the bride’s family came over and ate h'orderves off of our plates. So I set the dirty plates aside and we ate off of some other plates. Later, we moved to a different side of the table so that I could sit near to some friends. When the main meal was being served, I stood up to grab the plates that we had used previously. Before I knew what was happening, I found the grooms mother grabbing the used plates and utensils away from me and pointing to the other plates that the little boys had soiled. She had popped up out of nowhere and was screaming at me in Arabic while wrestling the plates away from me. I thought there was some misunderstanding so I tried to explain that the nanny and I had eaten from those plates and used the silverware. She started screaming laaa laaa laaa! I just sat down. She ushered some other (important? related?) people to sit at the table with us and gave them our used plates. I am quite sure she had no idea we had used the plates, but either way, wasn’t that not only rude, but extremely bizarre? What a witch. I felt sad that my friend was getting such a psychotic mother-in-law. I am not used to people being so blatantly hostile with me like that so the whole incident, abrupt as it was, ruined my evening. I was really embarrassed and I felt like crying. Or slashing her tires or something childish like that. I still don’t fully understand what happened. I am just trying to tell myself that weddings can be very stressful for members of the wedding party, especially for the closest family members of the bride and groom. So maybe she was just extremely stressed out. Whatevah.

Anyway, the rest of the wedding was nice. Baby was very well behaved, mashallah. The nanny enjoyed the chance to see a local wedding, although it wasn’t really an Arabic wedding because the bride and groom are of two different non-Arab ethnic groups and have local passports, so the wedding had some non-local elements to it. There was some fun dancing to watch. Ma3laya, the khaleeji booty dance (como perreando), among others. That’s always entertaining. And it has been an otherwise pleasant and uneventful week, alhamdulillah.

Dubai for Chinese food lovers

2007-08-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

I have this mad, gluttonous obsession with Chinese food. Not just any Chinese food. It has to be the real stuff. But not from any old place in China. I love Southern Chinese food. Cantonese. Hong Kong. I love the type of food that you can find in Singapore. That slightly sweet, salty, sometimes chili spicy stuff just drives me mad. I love dim sum. I love egg noodles. I love char kway teo. I love cheung fun. I love a stir fry with Chinese re-hydrated black mushrooms and bamboo shoots and cabbage and sea food in an oyster sauce. I love salt and pepper squid. I love salt and pepper soft shell crab more. I love chili crab. I love a deep fried tofu square stuffed with a surprise prawn inside. I love a taro cake laced with dried scallops and shredded mushroom. I love po piah. I love chili dipping sauces made with dried red chili, garlic, ginger, soy sauce, chicken stock, and sugar all blitzed together in a food chopper. I love the way fragrant rice tastes with the sauce of a stir fry dripping through it in a cup sized bowl. I love duck congee. I love it all. I am totally mad for this cuisine. It is sad. I can cook some of these things, too. But I mostly enjoy having it in restaurants.

When I first moved here to Dubai there were very few places to get half-way decent authentic Chinese food. There were some great eats at 5 star hotels, but with meals being $50 plus per head, that kind of meal was not an option. But in the past couple of years, some eateries have opened up that are actually quite good. Halal, reasonably priced, authentic Cantonese/Southern Chinese food has found its way to Dubai and right into my tummy.

If you live here, check these places out. If you live in the West and eat zabiha halal only, you probably have very limited options when it comes to authentic Chinese food, so take note of these recommendations for next time you are passing through Dubai:

Some places I would recommend:

Noodle Bowl on Al Dhiyafa street---Apparently the owner is originally from Hong Kong but became a restaurateur in Canada. He then opened a place right here in Dubai. I like any of the dumpling stir fries. That's right, you can get prawn/chicken dumplings stir fried with veggies in an oyster sauce. Really yummy. Everything they serve is good, but their service is slow and not overly friendly. The menu is definitely friendly to people not familiar with Chinese food, as each dish is listed on the menu with a brief explanation of the ingredients.

Lan Kwai Fong near to Lamcy Plaza---Also slow and sometimes openly rude service. But I can deal with being snubbed by busy waitresses and waiting a long time for the order to arrive when the food is SOOO fabulous. This is the real thing, Hong Kong style. My favorites there are the BBQ duck stir fried with black mushroom, the Hokkien Tofu-deep fried tofu, diced chicken, prawn, and scallops layered like a casserole in a clay pot, and the sambal prawn-prawns stir fried in that lovely red hot Malay sauce.

Noodle House has many locations in major shopping malls---This place has great service that caters to an international crowd. I find that their food is not consistent. When it is off, it is so-so. But when it is on, it's on-spot on! I love to get their beef Char Kway Teow, Singapore style stir fried wide flat rice noodle. They have good BBQ duck served with hoisin sauce and pancakes, too.

Da Shi Dai in Uptown Mirdif---this is a new place and the location is a ways out for any one on the other side of the airport. But man do they have ass kicking good food. Well worth the drive out there. They specialize in dim sum. They don't have those push carts wheeled around between the tables like you may be use to if you are a dim sum connoisseur. They have a long menu of dim sum from which you should select and share a few items per number of people dining. Better to go in a small group so you can try a larger variety. I really liked every dish I sampled there. I suggest that among your choices you select a plate of char siu bao---that's a steamed soft bun stuffed with BBQ chicken (char siu bao actually means pork bun in Cantonese, but for some reason Da Shi Dai kept the name but of course uses halal chicken). Another delightful dish was the sticky rice stuffed with chicken and mushroom enveloped in a lotus leaf. Be sure to have your dim sum with a pot of Chinese tea. Yummy yum cha.

Since I am a chowhound when it comes to good food, especially Chinese food, these four places actually make Dubai a most attractive city for me. Before I was confined to sad gloppy garam masala and corn starch laden Indian Chinese food or lame attempts at American Chinese with menus of chow mein and sweet and sour chicken. But now...well, if I am not dining at home I am probably eating out at one of the above mentioned restaurants.

Dubai also has some great Korean restaurants. I love Korean food, too. Now, I am just waiting for some good Vietnamese food here. Just a waitin'. Who knows what will come in the next few years. My fingers are crossed.

Wanted: Maid

2007-08-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

You must sit on the floor. Chairs are for superior humans. You will eat while sitting on the floor. Expect to eat mostly leftover and stale food, or fresh preparations of the cheapest ingredients available to your employers. Only eat meat when it is leftover and about to spoil because someone has to eat it or it will be thrown away. Occasionally you will be allowed a stock bone or a fish head with which you can make soup for a treat. Your accommodation is a dingy room in which you sleep on a soiled bedroll. Your washroom is a tap on the side of the superior humans’ house where you must deftly bathe partially clothed in order to maintain any small amount of dignity you have. Wake up before everyone else has woken. Go to sleep after everyone else has gone to bed. You must conform to your employer's style of completing tasks even if you personally have a more efficient way of doing them. You must observe them sharply and adapt to their temperament.You will have no regular daily schedule. Be on call to do any task at the whims of the superior people, your employers. You may not have a regular day off or a regular vacation. Do not speak too much. Pretend to be stupid. If any glint of cleverness appears in your eyes, the superior ones will become both extra demanding and excessively suspicious of you. Your moral values are always under scrutiny. You must come into physical contact with the urine, feces, menstrual blood, spittle, mucus, or vomit of the superior ones and their children. Since you are a lesser human being, you shouldn't care about this. You must accept this as normal because you and your ancestors are filthy people who like to live in dirt. Your race or caste is especially good at cleaning and doing other laborious tasks, though you are generally lazy and shiftless without the constant prod of a barking employer. You may be asked to massage your employers. You may be asked to have sex with them. You may be unwillingly forced to have sexual relations with your employers. If you complain about it, the superior ones will blame you for seducing one of their own. If anything goes missing, you are going to be suspected of thievery. In the case that an accusation of theft has been put forth and the item turns up, you will not be offered an apology. You will be denied time with your own family. None of the superior ones will consider you to be like family though you will spend the same amount of time with them that one spends with family, perhaps years on end. If you accidentally break something, you will be charged for it and the amount will be cut from your salary. Your employers may pay you irregularly in large chunks every few months, or perhaps in small amounts from time to time. You may have no idea in when you will get paid. Without any notice, you have to accompany the superior ones to their functions and outings. You may be asked to perform duties like preparing a fresh meal or opening a locked gate when your employers arrive home from a function, even if it is in the middle of the night. You must show deference to the superior ones at all times. Even to their small children. The superior ones will address you in the lowest form. The superior ones may constantly yell at you. You must look at the floor and not display any irritation or aggression when maltreated. Any minor deviation from this could result in your being physically attacked. You must pick up objects that are far too heavy for you. You must fetch items for your employers upon demand even if you are otherwise busy or your employers are located near to the requested items. You must stand up for long periods of time while others sit. Your manner should constantly be one of deference and readiness to please. The superior ones will berate you in public. You may regularly receive pinches or slaps. You may be severely beaten and even tortured. You have no social influence, money, or self-evident human rights, so no one will protect you from these things. You will receive a low salary that will not be enough to provide any upward mobility for you or your family. You may be compelled to extract your children from school so that they may contribute to your family’s earnings. You may send a child to a distant city or even another country to earn a living. You may leave your children in order to travel far away to find attractive wages. You or your children may become victims of human trafficking and may be sexually exploited. There is no glimmer of hope for either you or your children. You must work from the time you are a very young child. Your back will ache before you reach your twenties. You can expect to have chronic joint pain, chafed skin, and to become generally haggard at a relatively young age. When you become pubescent, you will be especially vulnerable to assaults on your character and possibly assaults on your body. Guard yourself. Hide any amount of beauty you have with uncombed, unwashed hair, soiled clothes, and a dirty face and hands. Your employers think this is your regular condition anyhow. You will work through all of your best years. When you are old and less agile, your employers may fire you for being less efficient. If you are kept on, you may be told every day that you are growing more aged and useless and that you can easily be replaced with a younger woman. Don’t expect a significant increase in your salary during the span of your working years. Experience and good references are only valuable for obtaining employment, but will not warrant a much larger salary than a person who has just started in the line of domestic servitude. Lastly, you must be ever grateful to your employers for taking you in and taking care of you and allowing you to serve them. You will be made aware of this constantly, especially if you ever voice a complaint. If you seek employment in another home because a higher salary is being offered, it will be viewed as an act of treacherous disloyalty rather than a natural step up in your career. Your gratitude, appreciation, and loyalty are expected in return for being allowed the opportunity to serve the superior ones. Don’t ever forget this.

Taiyaarian

2007-07-01T23:41:00.000-07:00

So the in-laws are coming in tomorrow afternoon. All eight of them. I have been getting everything ready for them for a while now. We have two fold out beds from Ace Hardware. We have two foam mattress pads from Carrefourre. We have 3 guest beds. And we have a three bedroom townhouse. My adult sister in-law likes to sleep in the same bedroom as her parents at home, so I presume she won't mind sleeping with them while here. And then my husband's brother and his wife and their three kids will go into the other room. The kids will use the foam mattress pads. I bought new towels and new bedsheets, too. I also prepared and froze some foods. I made chicken chappli kababs and shaped then into patties and froze them. They just need to be pan fried when we want to eat them. I made a mutton biriani gravy and froze it. It just needs to be defrosted and layered with rice and set on "dumm." I ordered and froze chicken and beef seekh kabobs from BBQ Delights restaurant. That's the cousin restaurant of Karachi's BBQ Tonight. My house keeper prepared bitter gourd stuffed with its own peelings and also rajma (a N. Indian kidney bean stew similar to a vegetarian Texan chili) and froze them. I also have some frozen chicken haleem that I made a month or so back. So we have a lot of stuff ready. My mother in-law is a freeze n' cook, pre-prepared, frozen veggie convenience person herself, so they are used to that and won't mind that I am not whipping up everything for them fresh everyday. I'll only cook one dish and one vegetable and then defrost a dish each day for them. I have a rice cooker. Also, I special ordered roghni naan from Al Jadeed bakery for them. They like to eat the diabetic Arabic bread that we have here when they come, too. Thank God they don't expect anyone to stand by the stove doling out fresh chappatis. Their servants do that at home. I plan on telling them that my housekeeper doesn't make chappati very well if anyone suggests that she should do that. Such a large amount of guests is stressful on both of us and I don't want her overexerting herself. My housekeeper's main role is nanny and we both work around the house and cook. She is used to working for two adults and looking after one baby. Suddenly there are going to be 5 more adults and 3 children. In the past my in-laws have done their own laundry and ironing and tidied up after themselves when the visit, so I hope they plan on keeping that up while here. Their servants do that stuff for them at home, but I don't want my housekeeper to have such a huge workload. I mean I will not allow it. If need be, I may call someone to come in for ironing to alleviate some of the chores. But I am hoping that they won't put extra demands on her. They have been very polite guests in the past, so Inshallah they will keep that up.

Today I am going to buy some games that my nieces will enjoy. And some kind of toy for my nephew.

Because I have a six month old, my schedule revolves around her, especially nap times and evenings. We start eating dinner at about 7-7:30. My daughter gets fussy and tired at 8:30. I bring her upstairs and put her to sleep. Sometimes she goes down in 5 minutes. Other times, she fusses for a while (last night it was a whopping 30 minutes). I just lay with her and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star about 500 times. Then I go downstairs and watch TV for a while. Then she wakes again for her last bottle at about 10:00. I change and feed her. Then she sleeps (without fuss, Mashallah) for the night. My husband and I are bed by 10:30 or 11:00.

I hope the guests respect this schedule and don't start pushing dinner back till 9 or 9:30. That is gonna make things stressful for me and the housekeeper again. The house keeper usually finishes her duties by 8:00 or 8:30 and goes into her room to relax and watch TV. She is sleeping by 10, like us. She starts her day at 7 am and has a lot of down time, plus a mid-day nap and a 6:00 pm break. Plus she has a day off per week. When they come, she is going to be doing overtime. Also, around them she acts in this really deferential way. "Jee, madam" accompanied by a side to side head shake. When my in-laws aren't around, she acts natural.

My husband has no clue that relatives are stressful. He doesn't do anything in preparation for their arrival but pick them up from the airport. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind their coming and I am happy that my baby can hang out with her relatives. But all of this preparation goes on without notice or acknowledgement. Ce la vie.

My in-laws are staying for about 3 weeks. But guess what! My husband and baby and I are travelling to the US for about 12 days while they will be here. And we had told the housekeeper that she could take that time as paid vacation before we even knew the in-laws were coming. So my house will go from FatimaInn to Fatima Guest Cottage while we are not here. That's fine by me. I think it is better because it will keep everyone polite since we won't really be spending that long of a time together. Three weeks is a long time to be in a cramped space. I have to admit that I am a bit relieved.

I'll let you know how everything goes.

Once you go Pak you never go back

2007-06-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

Okay some bullshit has been bothering me. I am gonna blow off some steam with this post.

To white American women married to Arabs who think that they are superior to desis and white women married to desis:

After I got married you suggested I meet those two other women married to Pakistanis and thought that I wouldn’t want to come to your halaqas anymore. I was coming to increase my knowledge of deen, not for you, ladies. You know those two women are nominal converts and aren't really that interested in deen. Why do you think we should become best buds just because they're also married to Pakistanis? Maybe we will become best friends but that isn't for you to suggest because I can see your intentions behind it.

I know you live here in the GCC where there is a lot of open racism towards Asians. You are supposed to come from a country where open racism is frowned upon, but you follow right in the racist foot steps of your white American forefathers and forget what Dr. Martin Luther King and others like him struggled for in just a few moments when you came to the GCC and started to look down on Asians. By the way, that’s haraam, too. I know you know, “an Arab is not better than a non-Arab…”

You make fun of the Urdu language. Because you know kya haal hai just like every other khaleeji, you think you’re clever. You ask me “What does hamaara mean in Urdu?” Yes I knew it meant donkey in Arabic. Of course I knew that because I speak Arabic much better than most of you despite the fact that you have been married to your precious Arab husbands and living here way longer than me. Don’t make fun of a language you don’t speak. That’s racist. Racism is a bad thing, remember?

You make jokes about gaudy Indo-Pak clothing. Ha ha ha, you are so clever and funny. Well, some people are gaudy and some people are not. Do you feel that Arabs are not gaudy? What is wrong with being colorful anyway? Gaudiness is relative. Maybe some people think you are drab looking. It is better not to judge. By the way, most of the desis I know are quite classy in both dress and in manners. Stop stereotyping people.

You wished I married one of yours because you think that because yours wear dishdashas and beards that they are more religious or superior Muslims because they are Arabs. Well, Pakistanis, just like Arabs can be religious or irreligious and I have seen many of both. You take pride in having GCC passports and you mimic the khaleejiyaat. You think I want one of your men when all you do is complain about serial divorce, polygyny, extreme jealousy, and all of these other weird problems that you have? No thanks. I’ll pass. I think people in cross-cultural marriages experience a lot of the same tensions (cultural misunderstandings, different expecations of how involved in-laws should be in your lives, etc.) I would rather bond with you on those things because we come from the same cultural background, but you would rather point out how superior you are because your husbands speak Arabic.

By the way, A., you’re husband is a Balooshi, he’s practically a Pakistani anyway, dear. So stop saying all this shit about Arab pride and Arab this and that. You didn’t convert to being an Arab, you converted to Muslim. And Baloosh aren’t Arabs, anyway.

And to H. who told me her driver is a Pakistani and he is so nice and respectful and you like him so much. Well, how lucky for you Masha’Allah that you have been blessed with enough bounty that you have a driver. That’s faaabulous, glad he’s such a great guy. But what the hell does your driver’s nationality have to do with me?

I don’t want to come to your little halaqas or parties any more. You are all really more interested in the meal afterwards than the dars anyway.

And just one last thing ya habaayeb, once you go Pak, you’ll never go back! That’s just fyi!

I Hate Dr. Phil

2007-06-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

I stopped watching a while back. I think his worst show was that one where he claims to have cured an old white racist of his hatred of Black Americans. I was nauseous during the entire pat on the back of whiteness episode, cringing at the dialogue and shaking my head at that racist old white man and the Black family who so graciously hosted him. Blegh. Vomit. Yesterday I had the unfortunate experience of watching an episode that should have been entitled, "Dr. Phil: Gypsy Catcher."

Dr. Phil ain't gonna read my blog. But just in case he does: You are a cog in the system of racism if the only time you feature and ethnic group (in this case Roma) on your show is when they are doing something criminal. Howz about you counter-balance that show with an episode on the current plight of European Roma, or an awareness show about Roma and their history of persecution and how their marginalization lends to there being an element of criminalism among some of them?

I googled the words Dr. Phil Gypsy and it turned up all kinds of forums in which people were discussing the episode using anti-Gypsy language. So if you think mainstream viewers aren't affected by the racist nuances of such representations of people of color, you're mistaken. During my Google search I discovered that Dr. Phil had previously aired another anti-Roma show in which apparently he saves a white girl who "ran away with the Gypsies." More vomit.

A Palestine Story

2007-06-17T00:43:00.000-07:00

Remembering 1967: A Birth in Prison.

My heart, liver, my eyes

2007-06-14T01:28:00.000-07:00

Inshallah ana hasaafir iliskandreyya el usbu3 elgay. Ana mabsoota kateer 'awi. Hara's fil haflat 'albi!

My heart, my liver, my eyes, my old pal from college, M. is getting married. Actually, scratch that. She got married already. She had her katab alkitab last week. She's a Mrs. Looooloooooloooolooooo! Lulaat! Zarghloota! Alf salaat wa salaam aleik ya habeeeeb Allah Muhammad! Loooolooolooolooooo! Okay, so she's married now. She got married in the US. Now she is coming to Egypt to have a party for her relatives there. And Inshallah I am going to her haflah masriyya on the 22nd.

You know, she flew to Pakistan for my shaadi. She and my mom were the only ones from "my side" at the wedding. She did that for me because she loves me. So I told myself even if she gets married on the moon I am gonna make it to her party when she gets married. I am gonna dance for her. And Inshallah I will get my chance next week.

She is American of Egyptian origin. Her groom is a desi. Gujju, actually. But born in the UK and grew up in the US. Her Egyptian family wasn't too happy about that. They even asked "Is he a Muslim?" As if she would marry a non-Muslim. I mean, I know it's just because they don't know anything about desis and all. Can't expect everyone to be worldly and informed, Lord knows I don't know much about the workings of the universe. But at least her parents are cool with it all. I knew she loved my desi shaadi and I knew she was gonna marry a desi after she had so much fun at my wedding. I hope her parents don't somehow blame me that she didn't marry an Egyptian or Arab. She and I influenced each other a lot. She got her nose pierced after me. And started wearing hijab, too. And she laughs that she still tilts her head to the side and shakes it and moves her hand while talking, something she says she adopted from me. All I can say is that she can marry whoever the heck she wants, but I am secretly pleased that her arees is a desi guy! Just for my own reasons. She influenced me a lot, too. She has a perpetually positive attitude and loads of energy. I have always wished to be like her. Ah M.! People thought we were twins or sisters when we would go out together. Maybe that's why I love her so much. We look quite alike. Well, she's prettier, Mashallah! When I graduated college, people came up to her and thought she was me! Isn't that wild? Anyway, so now she is marrying a desi dulha, too. Re-mix the world, interracial couples, like a good DJ!

We used to have so much fun wandering around campus, driving up to Chi-town to get our eyebrows threaded and to eat paya and nehari. Sucking the juice out of the paya bones, our fingers sticky with the gelatinous drippings. Then going off to the touristy areas and strolling through the mall. Getting followed around by cheezy Arab dudes. Spending the night at that one motel, the cheapest in Chi-town! That was just such a fun time in life. I miss those days and I miss M.

And time will run back and fetch those days of gold...

Struggling towards enlightenment...

2007-06-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

I came to know about the anti-racism movement through blogging. (a thousand thank yous to people like Umm Ali, Sister Scorpion, and Sume for addressing racism on your blogs because your voices count and the more people who start to "get a clue," the better---unfortunately Umm Ali and has stopped blogging and Sis Scorpion has decided to limit her blog to private access) Walking on the path to becoming "enlightened" about race, class, and gender privilege issues has changed my entire world view. I have a clearer understanding of why everyone in my childhood environment was lower middle-class. I understand why scholastic success was so difficult to achieve, to want to achieve. I know why just a few people from my high school went on to university, fewer graduated from university, and many, well, many dropped out of high school anyway. I know why globalization isn't all about raising the standard of living of the poor in "developing" nations, it is more about securing financial prosperity for corporations in Western countries. I see how neo-imperialism permeates American and European foreign and domestic policy. I can see how everything from media to education to health care to ideals of beauty are affected deeply by racism, classism, and sexism. I also see my personal place in an entire global framework of systematic privilege.

I can see frameworks of privilege outside of the white American versus American people of color dichotomy. I can see systematic advantages which exist for specific dominant groups in South Asia or in the GCC, for example. And being an expatriate white American, I can see how white privilege is not just an American issue. White privilege weaves its tendrils all over the world. It is really a global phenomenon, and not in a broad or abstract way, but in tangible moments of everyday life abroad.

I have discussed anti-racism and white privilege with a few white American people here in this context where we live as expatriates in an Arab and Muslim country. It is funny that since most of the people are sort of liberal, educated whites, they mostly agree about issues of white advantage back in the US. But interestingly, each person with whom I discuss these issues brings up the systems of privilege that exist here in the UAE as if this sort of trumps the fallacies of the American system. I think seeing the very blatant and open racism here, both institutionally and individually driven, makes whites here feel that the American situation is not really a problem. They think that since things aren't as openly racist in the US as they are here, it means that the US is somehow far superior to where we live.

My response to that is this: The US has a completely different history than the UAE in terms of a public commitment to equal rights. The US talks the talk although sadly, overwhelming evidence indicates that we haven't really been walking the equality walk, we've been kind of hobbling and limping and falling down on the floor more often than not. The US did have a civil rights movement that led to new directions in social advancement. Americans are publicly relatively "politically correct," and people who publicly voice blatant racist sentiment are supposedly marginal. The UAE (or whatever other country that may be used as an example to deflect from the issue of global white/Western systematic privilege) does not have the same social history and does not claim to walk the walk. That is not to say that the US is somehow morally superior to any other land because of our superficial commitment to equality. It simply means that the social background is different and one cannot compare apples to oranges.

Squab

2007-05-31T01:43:00.000-07:00

When a fight occurred at my high school, people would yell "OOH! Squab! Squab! Someone's 'bout to squab!" and all of the voyeurs would scramble in the direction of the altercation. I think squab was suppose to mean squabble. Not a type of poultry.

Yesterday there was a squab at the petrol pump out on Hatta Road near to the Dragon Mart. There were these Omani Balooshiyat begging---well, they weren't really begging, they were asking people to donate money in exchange for inferior quality homemade bukhoor. I gave one of them some cash and took a pot of bukhoor. As usual, since there are hardly any gas stations anywhere, I had to wait about twenty minutes before it was my turn for a filler-up. As I was waiting, two of the Balooshiyat started screaming at each other. One was holding an infant. That didn't deter the other from promptly attacking her. A group of Balooshi men popped out from behind the gas station and one of them grabbed the baby away. The men let the two women fight. The women ripped off each others' laisoos and started clawing away. It was really sad to look at. People behaving like animals. Just like high school. The gas station workers ran up and pulled the women off of each other. A Balooshi man came and dragged one of the women away. The women screamed at each other from afar, puffing out their chests and strutting like angry chickens.

I watched silently. The two combatants had a full audience of about 15 cars all waiting to get gas. Most of the onlookers were laughing. Some people were shaking their heads. I wonder what they thought of the scene.

I knew that the women were Omani Balooshis because of the way they looked and because of their clothes. They were Makranis. But to a lot of customers they must have looked like Emiratis. I am sure that non-Emiratis have never seen an Emirati person begging before. Especially a woman. (I actually have heard of local beggars, but it isn't a frequent sight) To Emirati customers, the women probably looked like plain Omanis. I can imagine Emiratis going home with their stereotypes confirmed on that day, since they tend to look down on Omanis. And if any Omanis were present, they were probably shaking their heads and thinking, "Those shameless Balooshis." And if any Balooshis were there, well, they would probably say, "Oh those aren't real Baloosh, they are from one of the tribes of former slaves or of Gypsies who pretend to be Baloosh but really aren't at all."

Being Omani, being Balooshi, being women driven by their menfolk to a border gas station to beg... all of the 3eib, the shame, a pinnacle of marginalization. That's how you become dehumanized. That's how you end up begging at a gas station under the pretense of selling cheap bukhoor.